The Most Depressing Thing You Will Read Today (But People Still Keep Watching...)

It all started with ER and General Hospital, then Scrubs, then House, then Grey's Anatomy, and lord knows how many more there are to come. Why are people so obsessed with medical dramas? Frankly, every time I watch one I start to wonder what bizarre tumours and diseases are lurking inside me, undiscovered until a part of my stomach or brain spontaneously combusts, thus turning me into one of the poor patients on the show. I think about death: when will I die? Will I have a heart attack? Will it be nice and quick? Or perhaps I will experience the slow, sometimes pleasant but often terrifying and utterly sickening to those around me death of the self: Alzheimer's. (only of course, to forget about it 5 min later.) Will I ever become a parapalegic? Or maybe I will have a brain tumor, thus forcing me to choose between an operation that could save my life and the risk of losing my entire personality. Is everything I've known and cherished in my entire life really that easy to chemically erase? Everyone thinks "it can't happen to me" but it could all change in a second. Before you know it, you could be a vegetable, or worse...no, I don't even want to think about it.

I guess the general populace watches shows like these because they make their own day to day problems seem trivial in the face of cancer and heart problems. Meanwhile, the personal issues of the characters on the show are far more interesting than everyone else's. There's also probably the ability to relate, to a certain extent, I mean, there are a hell of a lot of doctors and interns around, right? I enjoy these shows to a certain extent, but as you can see from my last paragraph, I can only do so in limited quantities before I start getting depressed, paranoid, and even more of a hypochondriac. Because really, this shit is happenning to thousands of people every day. And what if the brilliant Dr. House wasn't in charge of my case? I could be done.

But steps can be taken to avoid this. (Isn't it funny how everything in life just seems to tie together?) Today I scheduled the second installement of my HPV vaccination, and felt very mature (I refuse to use "grown-up" as an adjective but we all know that's really what I'm implying) because theyre sending me the bill directly and I have to submit it to my insurance provider. Once I figure out exactly how this system works (and maybe once I turn 18, just to be safe privacy-wise) I'll probably take up some new, healthy habits. (And no repeats of last weekend...ever...) Because really, it could happen to you.

And on a final note: if I ever am completley incoherent and strapped to a wheel chair, or stuck in dementia-land, etc. etc. I have one request: Please, put some cyanide in my soup and D-N-FUCKING-R!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let's Talk About Feelings!

Well I'm still recovering from my dysfunctional weekend, and should probably spend this time working, but I was about to make another comment on JVs blog when I realized this was an incredibly worthy (and long, sorry) post within itself.

Can you ever "just be yourself?" do you inevitably have to choose a clique? and when this choice is made, though perhaps not conciously, how much does it affect your own sense of identity?

It's true, having a more normalized sense of identiy will immidiatley give you an easier time socially- you know what your "group" looks like, what they care about, what they do on weekends, and you will probably click with them immidiatley, before you've even realized the subtle social psychology at work.

But what if your sense of identity hasn't fit a predictable stereotype since middle school? What if your group of friends since lord-knows-when contains a beloved, bizarre type of diversity? What if you could see yourself being friends with all sorts of people? In other words, what if you're me?

Let's start at the begginning- middle school. Very predictable group of friends defined simply by the fact that we were all unpopular girls who didn't wear Abercrombie and Fitch or listen to Britney. Me: the artsy girl wearing the skirt over pants or a sparkly top hat (im serious-it was an awesome look) on any given day because she thought it looked cool and didn't really care about what anyone else thought. Sortof punk, but not too hard core aesthetically.

Now I get shipped off to prep school- total culture shock, pushing me to stick even more faithfully to my punk/alternative roots, even if they were not so strong to begin with. (I do still love some of that music though, and I am forever a flaming activist liberal). Needless to say, I was completely antisocial for that year excluding a junior (who was equally crazy she just hadn't discovered it yet, shout outs, you're welcome :) ) a nice sophomore, and my roomate who hated me but warmed up eventually.

My second year of prepschool- all my hardcore-not-giving-a-shit-about-anything attitude somehow magically becomes converted to work ethic, and I get intouch with my inner nerd. Apparently I love school....who knew. Meanwhile, I change dorms and get to know some cooler, more alternative people that I genuinley become friends with. As much as I love my new dorm-mates, I also meet another group of artsy/nerdy newcomers. And this is where I find myself stuck between a similar dichotomy that JV describes: you can have lots of friends, but inevitbly, if its a solid group you're looking for, the choice is inevitble. You will end up spending more time with some people than others. Luckily, it wasn't really a concious decision. The reason I'm not really worried about my current situation (which I'll describe in a minute) is because if prep school taught me one thing: the best things in life just sort of happen. You don't have to worry about who you are friends with, because eventually that choice will be made for you in a completely natural and organic way. And as for the others, they're still some of my besties, so really, don't worry about it.


It is that experience- from lots of random friends, to no friends, to lots of demi-friends, to an arguable clique of close friends, to an arguable clique plus the roadtrip crew, that is currently keeping me sane.

Now, I am in college. I have met lots of people I genuinely like, but I can't really say I have a set group. While most people in my dorm found others they clicked with and created their own social sub group, I tended to click with one or two people per group across multiple cliques, so I still feel like I'm testing the waters socially. (This is made harder by the fact that I can be an incredibly judgemental person, and even though the best friendships-god, I sound like OSK- happen organically, I still put a decent amount of effort into deciding who I want to bother to socialize with. Oh, and I'm naturally self-sufficient, fine with being alone, and untrusting of people, so needless to say adjusting will take me awhile, but I'm ok with that.) Plus my school has so many people I want to get to know and that seem cool, I am depressed at the thought that I could have met my best friend ever but just didn't bump into her.

Now let's take this back to sense of self- I am still figuring this out. during the week, I am a hardcore nerd/dork, but I turn into the biggest rebel/party girl on weekends. (There's social dichotomy #1 right there. Eg- last weekend) At times I can be artsy and creative, other times more intellectual and straightforward. I can be very, very girly at times, and other times not so much at all. (This perpetual hybridization and redefinition of sense of self, if you were wondering, is why I have so many clothes.)

So, When I have found my clique, (if I ever do- I'm in no rush and by no means stressed about it having survived my sophomore year of prep school) will this crazy smorgasbord of personality traits and styles magically fall into line? It is inevitable that some end up getting more stressed than others, but isn't college supposed to be all about personal growth?

And then there are people like my roomate- people who magically seem to immidiatley become best friends with everyone, while silmontaneously creating their own little clique of besties and having the most incredible social networking skills you've ever seen in your life, while also being an incredibly chill, confident, person. Are people like that just "being themselves?" or secretly do they to wonder what's going on and where they fit? Having lived with one I doubt it, but this really isn't relevant to me seeing as I obviosly lack that gene. (Or I do just minus the social-networking and everyone-wants-to-hang-with-me-all-the-time chromosomes)

Here's a final thought: At the very start of middle school my best friend was really preppy. Some days at lunch I sat with her and her friends at one table, and on other days I sat with some of my other friends. One day, one of her friends said to me "Oh my god, can't you just choose one already?" with the bitchiest tone ever. I didn't sit at that table very much after that. Don't be that bitch.

Milestones

You know a certain experience was mediocre when you only have 2 remarks to make about it, and one if them is "Yes, I actually got my sweatshirt back!"


that+grass= my weekend



And that's all I have to say 'bout that.

I Love My School

This is describing an officially sponsored event at my school to "celebrate sexuality in all its forms"



"...After the performances, there is a “parade” to the campus center. The pathway is lined by tables hosted by orgs or non-quad houses that offer everything from condoms and dental dams to lap dances and head shaving. At the end of the route, to cap of the night, is a party in the Carroll Room."

Happy Holidays

Everyone knows that in every lab group there are three types of people: the leader who actually knows what's going on, the drone who helps them measure stuff, and the lazy ass who just continually asks what's going on and copies down the other two's notes. Guess who I usually am. If you haven't figured it out yet, here's a hint: Yesterday was the slumpiest day of my life. Seriously, it was disgusting, even by senior-year of high school standards. If my old advisor knew about this, she would probably drive an hour just so she could yell at me. I showed up to my first class 15 min late in my pajamas, and have never tried harder in my life to stay awake. In my second class I was in the same attire, and actually did fall asleep. I got back to my room at noon, and slept until fucking 4. Woke up, ate my only meal, did somewhat productive things, kept up with TheKaitzer, and did not start my work due to next day till a record 1:30 AM. Clearly, I need some serious motivation to get ahead again. (Once I finish this blog post, of course)

But today, that motivation may just have come. You see, as a young child my parents gave me lots of nice presents, like puzzles, a computer, books, a microscope, and a dress up kit (can you tell?). What I never did get from my hippie mom and buisness-savvy dad was a Chemistry Set. (Which is surprising cuz in kindergarten my favorite activity was pouring water into beakers) But today was Christmas. (Well, technically it was talk-like-a-pirate day, but who cares about that?) Yes, today I got my own little locker in a lab containing about 2 dozen test tubes, a dozen or so beakers, lots of flasks, and scores of other bizarre utensils and containers that I cannot even begin to list. Two whole plastic bins worth!!! They're not "mine" so to speak, but they are all locked in my locker for my personal use. (Hopefully whenever I want, having already entertained several fantasies of sneaking back into the lab in the middle of the night and mixing lord knows what....mwhahah, any ideas?) Looking around the lab is equally exhillirating....lots and lots of bottles labeled with all sorts of compouds just sitting on open shelves waiting to be mixed! One even looked like it was from the 60's, and had this incredibly sexy old-school Poison label on it, complete with all sorts of compounds one could use for antidote. How hot is that!

And not to be outdone by JVert's awesome use of web-cam...

We Live in MA, Dumbass...

So today I was at the Barnes&Noble waiting around for a taxi (long, boring story) and I saw that they were selling postcards, so I went over to take a gander. It seemed expectable at first: Hartford, Yale U, some Dino museum, but then it hit me...toto, we're not in CT anymore! Seriously, is MA so lame that it has to resort to selling it's little southern neighbor's postcards? This can't be possible...I mean, who cares about Boston, the Smithsonian, a ton of colleges, the Sox, let alone our Nation's epicenter of colonial history, when just a few miles south, there's a government building with a pretty gold dome on top of it!!! ooooh.....! Seriously, none of them were from the 01--- zipcode. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to diss my home state (too much) but everyone knows that Massachusetts is simply 10x cooler...what's with the lamo postcards?

So the rest of this blog post is going to be devoted to all the little things (such as that above) that are worth noting but hardly strong enough to carry the weight of their own title.

For starters- My nexus powers. Now if you don't know who I am you are probably going to think I am crazy for claiming to have powers. Then again, If you don't know me then I don't know you, so I really don't care. Anyway: at one point yesterday I was thinking to myself: what exactly is the formal definition of a focus again? if it is simply the center of a perfect circle tangent to the end of an ellipse, couldn't any number of points serve as foci? I pondered this in the back of my mind for the rest of my day until that evening when I went to do my AST hw. I opened up the text to do my reading, and there it was: an entire box devoted to the geometry of ellipses and foci right under my fingertips. Under 12 hours= an ultimate nexus record. Holy Shit! add into this the fish and the radio station (ask JV) ...maybe soon I can qualify for ESP?

Next- A very wise Verizon commercial once said that what connects us most is our need to be connected. That said, why do people never comment on my blog?!?!?! SERIOUSLY GUYS! Has my uber extensive 4 person readership dwindled even smaller? Or are my posts just so mundane that absolutley NOTHING moves anyone to speak even after I have exhausted my daily minutae for their reading pleasure? Now being in a slump is one thing (eg my wearing my PJs to class 2x this week and skipping GOV...oops...) but this is too much... I need your Juicy feedback! please! I feel so alone in the blogosphere! *bursts into tears*

Questioning My Sexual Orientation

This blog post is dedicated to any little soon-to-be humanities major who ever had a nerdgasm reading their Chemistry text book.

Oh, you didn't want to admit it at first, I know. The library was quiet and lonely. You think: this isn't too abnormal, these things happen to everyone. You'll tell yourself: It doesn't say anything about my character, I am a Humanities person, really. I'm just a Humanities person who happenned to take the introductory level Chemistry class, followed by some classes in OChem, that's all. It's just for 3 semesters, just for fun on the side. Nothing serious. You believed yourself too, but it didn't stop there did it? No, you couldn't control it, could you? Before you know it, you hear there's only one more mild deviation that seperates you from a Quantum Chemistry class. Just one, why not, right? You have plenty of time for English and History, and you know you love them more. And that's what really matters, right? It's not a big deal.

But then one day you'll wake up: hair dishevelled, text book beneath you, stains on your sheets, (from highlighting, of course) and you'll have to look at yourself in the mirror and finally, honestly, admit to yourself: "Hello. My name is Juicy... and I have a minor in Chemistry."

Because let's face it: Everyone knows that Quantum Mechanics is just too fucking sexy.

Musings From The Morning After

The sky
is grey and expansive.
My soul
is similarly so:
Empty,
filled with fluff.
But at least it is nice and cool here
all the time.

My sigh reverberates on the winds
as I wonder what
has become of my friends.

~~~~~~~~~

Have you ever woken up and wondered what the hell you're doing?

Wait...I Actually Have to Learn Stuff?

So I was just raising my sleepy head off of its comfy resting place (my astronomy text book) when I thought to myself: How many times have I done this? Eyes closed, open highlighter in hand, a variety of different soft bound text books beneath, snoozing away for a few minutes over the course of 3 or so years of daily reading assignments. Is this any different from high school?


When we come to college, we think we are going to celebrate the best four years of our lives and party our newly independent asses off. This is by no means untrue, but we often forget that there is also a tremendous amount of work invovled, and ignore our parents' frequent reminders of their own collegiate struggles. (After all, I went to boarding school, didn't I? I can handle this...) It is only until we walk into a class (I dunno, say, Gov 224) where fellow freshman are far and few and where we are handed a piece of paper telling us that our entire grade will be based off of an oral project, an exam, and two 5-7 page papers that we start to think "Oh...Fuck."


But I am going to keep telling myself I can do this (after all, astro seems like a breeze). And like I said before, It is by no means untrue that I do plan on celebrating the last fleeting years of my youth. It's all about figuring out what's necessary, a skill that, sadly enough, can really only come with time and experience (If I ever learn, at that).


So is this really any different than highschool? I'd like to think so. Though once again I have found myself feeling studious and a little on the outside socially, I've also found myself in underwear and bunny ears drunkenly screaming at convocation, and running to hide shot glasses in my dresser in a pitch black room after the pseudo-lesbian dance party was broken up by rumors of a roaming Area Coordinator. So yes, regardless of how much I actually like my new found friends or how much time I spend passed out over a text book, I would like to think that this will sure as hell be better than high school. And if I learned anything from my Astronomy reading today, I learned that if the entire history of the universe was condensed into a calandar, I was born about .05 seconds ago, and I'll have graduated in about another 1/90 of a second. So even if college isn't all it was dreamed up to be, in the big picture, it's not the end of the Universe.

Hello, My Name is Juicy!

...And welcome to college. Well, technically It's more like pre-college, or to be more specific, preorientation. (if you were wondering, it sucks) The table I was put in by fortunate mishap ended up actually meshing well, so woohoo I have people to sit at the lunch table with. But what I miss ridiculously are my old friends. Like, the kind I don't have to retell my entire (somehwat uninteresting) life story to when we talk, or with whom I can comfortably make Asian jokes. Shout outs to you allllllll.


I of course cannot help but be reminded of my first (horribly awkward and lonely) year at boarding school. If it weren't for having gone through that and knowing that I'll find my peeps eventually (even if it does take 2 years) I would probably be scared shitless right now. That, or actually bothering to be social and checking out the people who live across the hall from me. But hey, I've got a year, right?


So what exactly is it like here? Well on my first night the older students and us played a huge game of never have I ever. So while I still don't know half of the people's names, I can tell you who's been walked in doing it up the ass by their parents, (on a volvo, to be more specific) who's taken ecstasy, and who's had a threesome. Soon it will be Convocation, when we all wear as little as possible (saran wrap skirt anyone? total nudity is also a possiblity) and get drunk and scream while being spoken to by the faculty. So now I will also be able to tell you who's got a nice bod and who doesn't, but still not be able to remember half their names. Welcome to a women's college?

Eww, It's August

About a year ago this time, I wrote a blog entry about how August is the most pointless month ever. I continue to beleive that. Seriously, what awesome thing ever happens in August??? Perhaps I'm just socially deprived in having to keep up with a group of friends that branched off into about 4 different cliques and who have been busy all week ( : ( ) but perhaps I'm not alone. And yeah, PR will be fun, but other than that it seems all I do is go on the boat with dad (mehh), work, and pack for college. I'm going on vacation in a week, which further deprives me of the opportunity to see my friends though spending quality time with the Madre should be interesting, and then I'm back here and off to college in under a week. Shit. I know this is a very pointless blog entry, but like I said, it's fucking August, so I really have nothing better to do.

"How to Spot a Manwhore" and Other Juicy Tidbits...

Well, it seems Juicy has come a a long way from her double hitter weekend. Not too far in the long run, but far enough to keep her summer interesting, and to pass on some tidbits of juicy advice to all you Mango Addicts out there. (Or just those of you with nothing better to do on the internet...)


1. How to spot a manwhore:
A. all of his facebook action is from girls
B. ok, that's all i've got for now, but it does the trick.

2. When a guy is drunk he will be slightly more prone to sexual activity. This fact will be verbally expressed many, many, many times.

3. If a guy gets so drunk he makes a complete fool of himself over your hotness, there is the slight possibility he will not call back once his friends tell him everything they will never let him live down.

4. A TRUE man will have the balls to call back anyway. Bitch.

5. When a guy doesn't call you back for 1-2 weeks but then does when there is an approaching social event involving the both of you, he is doing this in order to make things not be awkward and leave a good impression. This is all in the hopes of ass getting.

6. How to spot a manwhore who does not call you back: See section 1, then factor in a sentance involving the words "sorry" "forgot" "call" and "you." Bitch.

7. Phone tag can be very satisfying. One has the joy of being called back, but without the stress that comes from talking on the phone with people you want to impress. However, if this safety device is abused, interest will eventually fade. (unless he really, really likes you. see #10 for more info)

8. When a guy tells you about all the bad luck he's had with women and how he is often taken advantage of because he is a nice guy, this is actually a cleverly disguised ass getting tactic known as "playing the sensitive card."

9.If a guy calls you 1-3 times a day, everyday, and sometimes more often when you don't pick up (AKA more frequently than your own father) he either A.) really, really likes you; B.) has an obsessive personality; or, C.) is really really bored. Only time will tell.

10. If a guy with whom you have been slightly flirtatious hooks up with "a really hot 25 year old" within 24 hours of hearing you hooked up with someone else, he has a motive... we're not exactly sure what it is yet, but it's there...we think...

11. When you give a guy your number out of the blue, even with merely friendly intentions, he will try to use this to get him ass.

12. If a guy with whom you have not spoken in years calls you at 2am and blatanly propositions you....No, I think you all can figure that one out for yourselves. I Hope.




So that's pretty much my summer in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. ; )

The Time of Your Life

I am starting college in about a month, and turning 18 somehwhat shortly after. I will spend (hopefully) 4 years in college partying it up with my friends and travelling to exotic places. After that I will go to law school, continue to party though probably a little less, and graduate (again, hopefully) when I'm about 24. After that its a few years of the party that is "your early 20s." Sounds like I have a great life ahead of me, right? But what comes after that? A solid job behind a desk, marriage, children, even if I don't everyone else will...It's all down hill from there! Everything we've been waiting for for so long, climaxing, but then slowly sloping downward. This is it kiddies, the best effing years of our lives, right infront of us. And After that, before you know it's even hit you, it's nothing but down hill from there. Enjoy it while you can.

18 means only two years left of teenagerdom, and then bam, you're an adult. Holy shit.

Happy Birthday Mango Flavored Addiction!

Yup...Believe it or not, Mango Flavored Addiction is one year old. (Awww!) One year (and one day...oops, sorry) ago, Juicy Got Bored and Got a Blog. I don't know what exactly to give a blog for its birthday, (maybe a makeover, or perhaps some better content?) But I'm sure I'll think of something. In the Spirit of OSKs post, it only seems fitting that I use this post to reflect on all the changes that have taken place since MFA came to be...

1. The most obvious change over the past year is the type of content. MFA has seen both long, serious pieces in the past, short silly pieces more focused towards the blog buddies, and some more recent and more personal pieces. I don't really know what I would like to have more focus on, but chances are I will change my mind once I decide it anyway, so oh well.

2. My relationship with the blog buddies: around this time one year ago, DrK and I had a variety of strange late-nite induced AIM convos, Gavrich and I chatted casually, OSK was more a friend of a friend (or maybe not...can't really remember), and I didn't think I would ever talk to Vertical ever again. We also all used to check our blogs and comment religiously. (I miss that!)Now, DrK and I have slightly more sane conversations, Gavrich and I are and fellow travel buddies (yes, he went to senior parties!), OSK is one of my closest friends, as is Vertical whom I will hopefully keep up with even in college. Whod'a thunk it.

3. The Blog Buddies themselves: around this time one year ago, Drk was still a manwhore, but a far more naive and inexperienced one. It was his ex that liked him back then, now thanks to her, well, she's his ex, but they are still awesome friends. Gavrich would have probably gasped if someone told him that he would be considering drinking at senior parties, or "letting lose" a little in college. (PS I'm still glad he didn't) OSK has a whole blog entry about how he's changed. (snap snap for the darker side) Vertical was a nice (?), naive and inexperienced little line who was still dealing with all the sad things that happen to people who are nice, naive and inexperienced, while eating a lot of his lunches by himself. In one year, he also found himself in the 6 person clique, being accessory raped by like 10 girls, and getting smashed at senior parties. (at which he and gavrich looked like total pimps for escorting up 3 very lovely ladies...if I do say so myself...) Whoaza.

4. Jay-Z

5. My Self: Yes, the Juicy one herself has also experienced many changes over the past year. At the beginning of my blogging career, I was still healing from Junior year's exertions, but still had a generally over achieving attitude that flowed a little into senior year...before I found myself in a 6 person clique, would rather chill in OSKs basement than do work (having sex, of course), got tortured, got bad grades, got into major disciplinary trouble, hated life, got emo. Who knew. Now I'm not really sure how much of an overachiever/happy person I am/ever was, but I guess we'll find out soon enough in college.

6. I gave TP guy a shot, plus I might be a relationship person after all...what?

7. I'm going to a women's college, who the hell saw that coming...

Anyway, that is my short and sweet reflection on my Juicy Life and this Juicy Blog in the past year. Hope you Mango Addicts enjoyed it as much as I did, see you next time. (maybe with a nicer layout)

The Road Trip: Part Deux...

So it seems every summer/major break we try to plan one of these and every summer/major break, it fails. But perhaps this time will be different? who knows...anyway, the Klingon and I have similar feelings about wanting to get out and about this summer, so here are some ideas:


* Visit me in Stratford (I still want to have a beach bonfire and burn all my papers)
*Spend the day in NYC (parents might want something more speciific...baseball game perhaps? random show? amusement park? filming of TV show?)
*six flags
*Ye Olde Swimming Hole
*Mission of Love: NY Style
*Visit Moose
*Visit Anne
*Visit Julie
*Visit Young (hey it was worth a shot...)
*Visit all of our friends in a giant circle
*Hang out on my dads (now) humungous boat
*Visit the eldest Z brother (and party it up)
*Go to Boston (see bball game/yell at certain admissions offices)
*Go to Rhode Island (see above, and then mooch off of OSK's having a house there)
*Use the laptop to have trek marathons in strange and unusual locations...(ok yeah that idea sucked...help me out here!)

A Time for Deep Reflection...

Seriously....so first my mom gives me a relatively new perspective on myself by calling me lazy (ok maybe she was right there...) and unhelpful, and accusing me of having an excessivley nonchalant/laid back attitude. In short, she made me feel like the spoiled brat I have always feared becoming. Glad to know your so happy with me mom. She also asked "where's the spark? the joie de vivre?" but then again, that's something i've been asking myself for awhile...maybe it'll creep back up in college, maybe not. I hope so, but of not whatever.... I should probably do more about this...but that brings us back to square one. I also have a strange aversion to obviously trying to impress people because I feel like a goody two shoes. If I'm ever doing something nice, one should generally avoid complimenting me. So now even if I wanted to be more "helpful" I would feel wierd doing it. Anyway, so as if I'm not already feeling mehh-enough about myself, TP kid starts directly hitting on me and I full frontal Spazz. Seriously, ask DrK, he said I was acting like a little girl. So while I'm worrying about the quality of person I am, we can also wonder why I am obviously severly undeveloped in certain areas and have the emotional maturity of an 8 year-old. Once we've figured that out, I can ask the doctor to take another look at the strange lump on my neck that my mom keeps bugging me about (just when I had once and for all overcome my infamous cancer-based hypochondria) and wonder why my left ring finger now cramps up whenever I type. Perhaps I should try meditation...

Juicy Update

So once again today I found myself on a severly delayed train heading south from spending Friday night with the blog buddies, (for those of you unaware, we all live in the same tiny ass state but I live about an hour away. Said tiny ass state has horrible public transportation.) and spent about five hours trying to get home by train when the drive is only a little over and hour. (yeah, really gotta get on that whole license thing and yes I can drive dammit!) Though spending an entire day travelling (or worse: waiting to travel) is not the best way to pass time, I did find myself in the company of some interesting strangers. Namely: Jeff, a gay bartender at a club I know of who also works with autistic children. He just broke up with his boyfriend, so we talked about feelings. It's nice to know I'm not the only person who thinks they had the worst year ever. The night before this encounter, while I was watching an episode of That 70s Show in which Eric and Donna break up but still go on a date together, Jeff and his former partener John were actually doing this. The evening resulted in him getting flowers thrown at him and a drunken argument, but hey, at least they did it in comfy millenium sneakers instead of clogs. I mean really, I love the 70s....but clogs?

I also met a flight attendant and an odd Auntie and her nephew (both very nice and interesting people) and saw someone who looked exaclty like my middle school crush from behind. (Seriously, they had the same hair and walk and everything...I stopped and stared for like 5 min until he turned around and turned out be like 20 something)

If the scariest thing DrK has ever seen is me driving, then the second scariest thing he will ever see is probably me being put in a position of responsibility. Yes ladies and gentlemen, Juicy got a job. Well...she almost got a job. She was going to be hired by a pizza place (i kid you not) 5 min away from her house and it sounded great, but they only wanted her on weekends and her dad apparently needs her on the boat. Mehh, there goes that offer. I want a real job dammit, and if experience has taught me anything these are not easy to come by. The hunt continues...

In other news, the universe has been freakishly responsive to my previous blog post in the form of TP guy, except I will probably never see him again. Mission of Love to NY, anyone? (except not cuz that would be creepy, even for me and I'm the one going there...) Oh, and I'm also slowly but surley redecorating my room and have become hooked on Star Trek. Yes, I said it. After such exposure, Resistance was Futile. (But I still reserve the right to mock you all for knowing wayyyy too much about those Shows/Movies/Mini Series/ that Media Enterprise, even if it is cool.)

Random Shout outs to Brandy. (who will probably never read this) Good luck with your stalker. You have a cool name which vertical should sing to you about, (Brandy! You're a fine girl! What a good wife you would be...But my life, my love, and my Lady is the SEAAAA!) and document so I can laugh at it. To conclude this evening's update of events, there is a slight risk of me being a horrible person, but other than that the weather is looking good for the next few days. Over and Out.

Happy Birthday Little Blonde One!!!

OK, so I was unable to get my very good friend a birthday present and cannot do something in person because she lives in Canadia, thus, I have dedicated a blog post to her. Happy Birthday Randi. I think you're turning 16- enjoy the most overrated year of your life (at least that's what it was for me, I'm sure yours will be alot better) and your pretty blonde hair.

Since I talk about feelings and emo-ness with Randi a lot, It is only fitting that this blog post do the same. For the past couple of days, I have had the strongest urge to have a huge chic-flickathon. Love Actually, the American Pies (esp #2! yes, it is a chic flick), maybe some Amelie or Accepted, (wow, lots of As there...) all watched cuddled up on the couch with lots of chocolate and a box of tissues. Sadly (or maybe fortuitously?) there is no nearby functioning DVD player so instead I settled for VH1's "40 Most Softsational Soft Rock Songs" (Cuz I can't fight this feeling anymore! Yes I've forgotten what I started fighting for!) which managed to mock all of the emo out of me. You see, society does not look happily on honest, strong emotions. When someone comes on very strong, it's often viewed as creepy, or a load of bull shit to just get the other person in bed. (this is especially true if the person coming on is a guy) From my experience, caution usually pays off, as the emo-ness is usually either the latter, or the result of little other emotional experience. (then again, that also just goes to show you what little experience I've had. Blogging Rule #3- If my advice fucks you over, it's not my fault. You have my condolences.) As time goes on, the more experienced people become, the more they see dating and relationships as more of a game than a deep emotional pursuit. (the epitome of this being Sex And the City) Everyone at least partially wants the honest emo that is so often shunned, but everyone is groomed to be excesssivly cautious and not get hurt. It is here where I am tempted to divide the world into a bipolar spectrum- Relationship people (who are more open and intouch with their inner emo, often searching for just a few deep relationships) and Non-Relationship people (who more prefer a variety of shorter, less meaningful affairs with far less emo). NR leaning people are not necessarily more eexperienced or in denial, they just have other prorities, or know better than to look for a deep relationship at a that point in time. Ok yeah no shit Juicy that's not rocket science, but I'm getting to my point. (and I never really liked physics anyway...) My point is that I always thought I leaned more towards the non-relationship side of the spectrum, and I am sure that after more cyncial life experience that is where I will be (or hopefully at some point in college cuz I really don't want to waste my precious college years in a serious relationship) but the more I think about it, yearn for my fav chic flicks, and compare myself to others, the more I am starting to think I might lean more towards the relationship side of the spectrum after all. That isn't to say that a one night stand is totally off limits (cuz that was pretty satisfying) but I guess if there was more on the plate id take that too.

You may wonder why it took Juicy so long to come out of the closet about such a simple matter, but like I said, society frowns on honest, strong emotions. Not to mention the more desperate for love you are, the far easier it is for people to take advantage of you. (I'm referencing all those horrible match.com adds, BS psychics, and internet predators) Ever since I was little, my mom told me a guy will say anything to get a girl in bed, and sadly enough i've rarely met people that have proven otherwise. If you just wanna screw, tell me and save me the trouble, please. That's probably how I can justify calling a movie like American Pie 2 (best known for Stiffler's gigs and a lesbian sex scene) a chic flick- the guy chooses someone he cares abiout over the girl he just wants to fuck.

Now I feel I've shared quite enough of my inner emo for today, so I will go to the ghettos of Stratford in search of a "real job." Oh, and here's a juicy fact: they've supposedly developed a pill for pregnant women to take to prevent their children from being homosexual. Bull shit. I'd say damn extremists love your kids for who they are, but then again I'd also say abort a handicapped kid, and that opens up a whole new can of worms.

Blog Post #50 and Happy Graduation Juicy!!!

So it seems we have stumbled across two very important milestones...the fiftieth (so small, yet so large) blog post on Mango Flavored Addiction and the highschool graduation of yours truly. (not to mention the funnest week ever with more milestones, maybe ill tell you about that later, if you're nice to me.)

graduation was fun...I mean really, you get to wear a pretty dress, get told how smart you are, and feel special for a day. After graduation was even more fun, because 2 of your best buds spend the night at your house, then go with you and more of your buds to party it up in VT and Sharon, CT over the course of 2-3 days. (They also take foreshadowing pit stops in Northampton, take advantage of their spanish speaking abilities, wear bags over their head, meet really cool limo drivers, are deprived of donuts, have deep drunken conversations, have lots of sex, pee in random places, watch Star Trek, and name their hypothetical children. As for me, I just took a faceplant into the bushes.) Reunion anyone? you bet!

Once I had slept for 16 hours and somewhat recovered from the aforementioned excursions, I spent a day with my friend exploring the new town I live in and getting my nails done/eating a humongous sandwhich that fed me for 2 days. I also considered trying to make new friends in the ghettos of Stratford, but they would probably shoot me.

After this, despite graduating and all, I once again found myself on school grounds. Except this time I was spending the night, along with the rest of the Chess Club, at OSK's house in celebration of the end of the year for all our underformer friends. (haha you still have to go to boarding school...) This being-on-campus did not disturb me though, because I could walk around campus at 4am and not get in trouble, drive without signing out, etc. etc. We also went quasi-skinny dipping (It was very awesomely old school.), drank energy drinks (what else is new?), played lots of pool, ran around a field screaming, were circled by a minivan (that I tried to jump into) and watched Anne climb on top of a bus.

As you can see, this isn't much of a blog post. It is more like a random list of events that, for the first time in awhile, I would just like to remember. And I think there might be a few more to come too, Which is why I am thinking of starting journaling again. You see, starting the summer before 7th grade up until 9th grade, I was actually a really intensive artistic journaler. (sounds so cool, I know) And I think I might take it up again to document this summer and my college years. The thought also occured to me on the last day of classes, when, despite his class being the bane of my existence, my philosophy teacher gave us some useful life lessons that I plan on sticking too so I can live a more meaningful life. I don't know what this means for Mango, but hopefully I will find some way to balance both, and this will definitley not be the last post.

But wait, did Juicy just say she actually learned something? Yes, despite slacking off more this year than she has in awhile, Juicy actually learned a lot. And seeing as I am now a highschool graduate, I can legitimatley pass on to you Mango Addicts a few of the critical life lessons I have learned this year (despite the fact that I stopped doing the reading in winter.)

1. In the present one must simply accept that not everyone gets what they want or deserve. Life is sometimes merely a series of actions and reactions with no sympathetic governing higher force. Infact, in the short term, Life is often a flaming shit hole. Deal with it. Karma is a long term thing, and something good will happen...eventually.

2. the tiniest things can have the biggest, most entirely disproportional and unjustified consequences.

3. the truth always comes out to somebody.

4. the following are physically impossible. No matter how many energy drinks you have they will not be accomplished, so do not even fool yourself into thinking they will happen:
- completeing the majority of the assigned reading and writing a paper for it in one day

- writing more than one general length paper in one day

- staying up all night and actually spending all night productivley working

- staying up all night and not falling asleep in class the next day without massive amounts of caffeinated gum.

-getting 3 major assignments done in one day, even if it is a free day

5. You are not invincible. You may well have finally screwed yourself over for the last time. Yes, It could happen to you.

6. Never say Never, ever. One night I thought to myself "wow, things could not possibly get any worse, I would almost be amused to see what fate could come up with to make my life even worse!" Guess what, it did. As I was talking to someone on the phone afterwards and explaining to them how my life now surly could not possibly get any worse, I looked out the window and usual damp spring weather had turned into a raging blizzard in about 15 min. I kid you not. Never say never. Ever.

7. If you really want something and beleive in it, fucking go for it. Accepting failure is better than perpetual false hope. And don't cop out half way, try to convince yourself it's not that important, or sit back and calculate and take the safe route. Sometimes the only way to get it is to just jump.

8. You should probly stop once you get into double digits...it's a delayed reaction. From now on, we shall no longer use the "T" word.

9. Hydration is next to Godliness.

10. Never use an Academy of Driving car. ever.

11. Amor Fati dammit.

12. Everyone's a little psycho inside.

Ramble On...

Well, it's senior spring (I know this because today all I brought to class was a pen) and I am still stuck in rm. 10 because my advisor says she needs to talk to people before she takes me out, even though I only have one week left, no more work to do, and it was my idea to put me in here in the first place, go figure...

Anyway, it's because of this massive chunk of free time in rm 10 that I am sitting down and blogging for you today, even though I don't really have anything specific to blog about (and by specific I actually mean "interesting" and "well-structured") but hopefully that will change by the time you have finished reading this. then again, maybe not.

I couldn't sleep last night, so right now I'm pretty much my usual walking-zombie of a self. Just thought I would throw that in there. But after hours of tossing and turning and thinking about life, I came up with an idea: Next time i keep a diary or journal (I don't know if it would work for a blog cuz i don't always post so frequently) every day i should complete the following sentance honestly on a daily basis: "I wish that _____." You see, it sounds ridiculously PC and lame, but by giving our lives just that much more direction, we can have a slightly better idea of what we want to get out of life and work for it. We can also look back to our previous thoughts and aspirations. I know I sound like a bloody self-help book right now, but cut me some slack here it was 4am...

Before I was unable to sleep, yesterday was interesting because I was stuck in a personal dilemma: graduation dresses. Should I wear the straight cut, but lacy, Lily Pulitzer graduation dress (that looked very classy, and well, like a graduation dress) or the flowy, sparkely one that, though not really what I had in mind for the occassion, looked really cool and hippy-esh? I found myself thinking: should I look like I did during my 6th grade graduation? in a little, classiclally cut talbots piece that did the job yet somehow didn't feel right? Should I wear the dress that looks like a graduation dress? the dress that fits me very well and is slimming, but comes from one of the preppiest companies ever that many others maybe wearing? OR should I wear the dress that originally I did not care for but mom wanted to keep it and the more I tried it on the more I liked it? The dress that was bought, as is much of my other clothing, in the teen section of a department store? The dress that sortof looks like a flower child might wear it? Is it too much for graduation? am I still that much of a nonconformist, and do I want to flaunt that at graduation?

Now that I have managed to take a stupid thing like graduation dresses and turn it into a dilemma of conformity v. nonconformity, you can understand why it took me an entire afternoon to nail down one. They both looked cute. Needless to say now that I reflect on it, I may be a little sweatier on the day thanks to the lack of $200 linen, but I went with the hippy one.

Once my mom left, it was my last sunday on campus before graduation. (6 days bitches!) So I found myself doing what I always do on sunday, except this time it was more fun because I didn't have any work hanging over my head. (Actually I just remembered I do, but oh well, I have another 45 min to kill. ) So I went to the klingon's basement to watch sci fi with him and george, then ate dinner, then chilled with george and tried to watch 2 movies but the fates were clearly against it, so we hung out with mark in the stud until his feed, then we wandered around campus to kill another half hour.

OK so now I am clearly rambling but that is pretty much my sunday in a nutshell. Oh, and if any of my readers would like to supply me with reviews/information regarding Alexia or Trima pills, please do so. I've been doing a lot of online research and the two seem *very* fishily related and I think once were owned by the same company but I can't find anything official...Yeah, if it's not a total scam, I'm gonna try it.

The End of Emo (Serious!) and Some Words on Change...

Well I don't feel like finishing my last paper of the year (finally!!!) so instead I am going to update my blog, because it's been awhile since I wrote something that wasn't obnoxiously emo, and I feel the old Addiction could use a little revamp...maybe that will come later as a birthday present or something, but here's a start. Oh, and I'm bringing back candy necklaces...

Speaking of changes, I graduate in ten days. Yes, ten, exactly. The countdown is getting close...I think it just hit me yesterday, when I saw what I will now refer to as 'My Tent' (for those of you who arent in the prep school loop, every year they set up a large white tent on a certain lawn to host the spring formal dance and graduation) or maybe it just hit me today, when i was looking at my free blocks in my agenda trying to waste away class time and then realized that this was my last day of thursday classes. Ever. I would never have my classes in this order ever again. After these last few days: no more block schedules, no more orderly, organized days, no more lunches in Watts with friends, no more the exact same group of friends, no more coats and ties, no more bells, no more dress code, no more cramming in the library, no more wasting time in the computer lab.

And just when I thought I was itching to graduate and get the hell out of this horrible year, I gotta hand it to ya, I'm gonna miss it...

But until then, I can still look forward to the parties and having what will probably be the most kick ass summer ever, not to mention college : ) (even though I also realized today how much of a huge change that is going to be, and it sortof scared the shit out of me...)

More on changes: When I first came here as a not-so-wee sophomore, I remember thinking of the seniors as these big, old, untouchable people. (then again when I first got here almost everyone was untouchable, and sortof all blended to form a large social wall that I would sit in front of and observe with amusement, occassionally attempt to climb, but never get dissapointed too much with if I failed) Then again, I always thought I would feel so much older as a senior in highschool, or at least look a little taller or more savvy/mature/bad ass. (I blame my lack of car keys...I seriously think that does the trick) I remember when i was 13 or 14, 17 seemed so far away, so close to 20 it was like the last threshold of my young life, but now that I'm here I still feel like I have a little ways more to go (phew!) 18's in 6 months, that should be fun. I guess another thing to add into this section would be how much everything's so ridiculously changed since sophomore year- myself, my views, my friends, my life- It seems like such a long journey that I never thought would end. I always knew it would, I just could never really picture it...Shit man, I'm going to college.

I'll break with the cliches to give you a little anecdote: Once I was chilling with my blog buddies in the comp lab, and I said "But just think, for the rest of our lives, when we look back on highschool, this is gonna be it!" And it's true to, no redos, and it can help determine who you are and how you act for the rest of your life...(or can it? I dunno yet but that's what I've heard) Then JV of course made a joke while trying look cool and to do a snapsnap: 'yeah! just this! right here! right now!" while gavrich typed something on his laptop and I continued to procrastinate my comp gov paper. Haha, too true.


We've got ten days guys, for christsakes, make it something you're proud of. Penis candy anyone?

You'll say that we have nothing in commmon...

...no common ground to stomp on, and we're falling apart...Then I said what about breakfast at tiffany's? She said I think I remember the film. Oh yes, I recall: I think we both kinda liked it, and I said well thats the one thing we got!

yeah....anyway, I would just like to preface this blog by informing all my readers of the second major blogging rule (the first being that anything read here cannot be used against myself or anyone I write about)

Rule #2- the address of a blog or any portion of its contents is never to be given to a prospective significant other/significant other/ anyone else who may in any way endanger the level of posting honesty, bluntness, and/or integrity. ( i mean seriously... look what happenned to vertical's...)

by having visited this page, you are now forced to adhere to that statement by consequence of paperclip castration or another equivalent horror. (yeah...I said it...)

Moving on....
So It was almost a double hitter saturday, which is a big deal in Juicy's loser life because she's been on a losing streak since middle school. The second hit has probably been rendered a DSQ, but it's still nice to know I can meet people without going out of my way to flirt my balls off. (haha that statement's funny cuz I'm talking about flirting but I don't have balls, well, not physically...) Anyway, with all the good fortune that has come to me in the past 24 hours, I have also realized a horrible curse:

Guys that have CLEARLY articulated interest: 4
Percent of which I was interested in: 0
Percent of which were on the "wow, I would have to be pretty desperate to go there" list: 100

yeah...I'll get off my bitchy high horse now by saying that 4 was somewhat endearing in his slowness...but then again, that sounds bitchy according to some... so I guess I'm just an ungrateful bitch. (another fabulous reason for rule #2)

Are my standards too high? I doubt it....(really) And ever since last years' psychoness the usual list of attractive qualities got near annihilated so that opened up another 40 percent of the population... I know a lot of you think that I'm just itching to get some but I just want to take a second to clarify that I'm actually not that desperate (except for maybe that one time...) and no, it's not all physical. (which is a nuisance, maybe I should just get balls...psh...you guys have it way too easy...)

Yeah so I'm gonna stop now I just wanted to point that out, plus I figured my lucky day deserved a post and some deep reflection...

23 Days and Counting...

...way...too...slowly...I just want to graduate so I can stop being paranoid and be rid of this entire fucking year. I'm sick of procrastinating and not doing work cuz of all these fucking meaningless distractions. I'm sick of kicking myself for not working because i'm afraid i'll lose my spot in college and don't want to go to summer school. I'm sick of being "sick" to compensate for being a fuck up. I'm sick of feeling like it's sophomore year again, emo shit included. I'm sick of getting reports. I'm sick of freaking out every time I get a report because im afraid i'll get the boot. I'm sick of more and more bad things just piling up on me that are entirely my own fucky fault. I'm sick of not learning from my own mistakes for the billionth time. I'm sick of all these fucking couples. I'm sick of nothing good ever happenning except for getting my fav chocolate for doing well in Comp Gov. (then again today I bombed a test so oh well. If you were wondering why, it's cuz I'm a fuck up.)

I know it's idealistic to think that in college i'll be able to magically go back to perky over achieverness, or even if that's who I am anymore, or that i'll stop procrastinating, or actually get up on time, but there's still hope. I've already accepted the fact that i'm comprised of at least %50 pure fuck up (on a good day), at least they wont rub it in my face with reports 24/7, or chapel talks about fellow fuck ups of ages past. If you know me then you heard the chapel talk today, all about warnings v. actual consequences. story of my life. It was funny too, I probably would have enjoyed it more if i weren't cramming for a test that i had all the time in the world to study for, but didn't because, well, I'm a fuck up. Seriously, even my friends are starting to get sick of me bitching about it.

I don't have too much else to say today, unless actually I felt like it, but no truly emo statement is ever complete without...



Don't Let Me Get Me
Pink

Never win first place, I dont support the team
I cant take direction, and my socks are never
Clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I cant do nothin
Right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I cant take the person starin back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Dont let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Dont wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

La told me, youll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are.
Tired of being compared to damn britney spears
Shes so pretty, that just aint me

Doctor, doctor wont you please prescribe me
Somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz Im a hazard to myself

Dont let me get me
Im my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Dont wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Dont let me get me
Im my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Dont wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Doctor, doctor wont you please prescribe me
Somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Dont let me get me

Dont let me get me
Im my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Dont wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

The Spoon Doesn't Lie...

I've spent the past two years (well, ok, more like one-and-a-half) working my butt off to ensure I have every option and advantage possible when it comes to making this decision, and I finally narrowed it down to two very different (but both freakishly Nexusy) choices. The mild panic attack I just had over making such a big decision in the first place didn't help, nor has my reoccurring volition to base it solely on maximizing radical change in my life. Hell, once I thought I made the decision, and then turned against it solely because everything just seemed to be moving too well in that direction. To be honest, I'm not sure if I will love where I am going, in fact, I figure there is a chance I will leave. But there is also a chance that it will be one of the best times of my life, and the more I think and ask about it, the more encouragement I get, even from many fortuitously placed strangers. In the long run I really feel it's for the best, so ladies and gentlemen, without further ado...The spoon doesn't lie. See you in Massachusetts.

Ski More College

...yeah... that was on a bumper sticker on a car with roof racks...thought it was clever...Anyway, so the quest for JuicyU continues and I think we can safely cross Skidmore off the list...It was nice (in a summer camp meets eco-friendly big prep school in the very pretty middle of nowhere kind of way) and the people were OK (in a preppy meets hippy sorta way) But I don't know if i could see myself there for a solid 4 years without losing my mind, or at least half of my brain cells because, um...party school much? I was walking around the senior housing and every appartment had a recycling bin filled over the top with beer crates, and I looked inside one of them and it was just all bottles all along the counter. This was thursday afternoon. The freshman dorm also breaks several doors/windows a semester.

While the college itself wasn't so amazing, (PS who was smart enough to put accepted candidates day on 4/20?) the 2.5 hour ride up there actually was. My dad got a guy that works for him (early 20s?) to drive me up, and even though we had never met before we spent the entire time bonding and talking about feelings. (yay!) It was highly enjoyable, and I learned some interesting things:

1. I am a severely harsh realist
2. His ex girlfriend is a bitch
3. If you think someone is lying, they probably are
4. If you do not know if a guy or a girl is lying, trust the guy
5. His ex girlfriend is a bitch
6. Guys hurt more after a break up...they may rarely get attached, but when they do, they really do...
7. Dating two guys simontaneously and just not telling one about the other is apparently a really bitchy thing to do (who knew?)
8. His ex girlfriend is a BITTCHHH!!!
9. Number 4 is void if the guy is a player
10. You may think that your life is at a horrible point, but it really could be worse...You have a lot to be thankful for.
11. When looking at a prospective mate, you can learn a lot about them from their family
12. being the youngest and only guy with 9 older sisters is...interesting
13. When you realize that your serious girlfriend of 3 yearswhom you almost married has been dating another guy for 4 months, and the other guy finds out that she's been tagging you along for 3 years, plotting together on an elaborate confrontation inwhich to humiliate the bitch is the thing to do!

Yeah, learned a little more from that than I probly would have at the anatomy class i slept through...

Senior Spring....Or Not....

Dad: I don't wanna hear any more of this senioritis bullshit...if you don't try your best to get back on superus you're going to summer school.

( Juicy's thinking: Isn't this how bad movies are started? oh god...)

Juicy: dad...it's senior spring...these grades don't matter.

Dad: yes, they do! they will be on your record for the rest of your life. Trust me, I am an employer and if I'm going to spend $150,000 on someone I want to know they always did their best.

Juicy: But dad, do you have any idea how hard i worked junior year? i was like a hypochondriac caffeine addict. it was not healthy!!!

Dad: well, go back to the caffeine then! i've been doing the caffeine for 50 years and look where I got

Juicy: your Doctor says your at high risk of a heart attack...

Dad: well at least I know I gave it my all

Juicy: true...

What Juicy wanted to say but kindly didnt to avoid her father's midlife crisis:

Gave it your all for what, huh? for a huge, empty house and a boat that's never big enough? You're never happy. to pay for my education so I could grow up to be just like you? for a highschool average you still remember 30 years later? everytime I talk to you you regret not being a Bill Gates so some part of you clearly feels like you failed something. All you care about is "success" that you measure in social status. Whatever happenned to just enjoying your life? What if I don't mind just being average? I don't need all that. You've been alive for fifty years, how could you not have seen that you can't always give it your best 24/7? That hard work doesn't always pay off? C'mon I know you know that. Yeah maybe I am giving up, and maybe you're not proud of me. But sorry for not jumping back in the ring to fight the good fight when I don't have anything left to fight for.

What Juicy Then Said: Dad...when was the last time you stopped perpetually thinking about the next step and just enjoyed the present?

Dad: You can never stop thinking about the next step; it'll be there before you know it.


That, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of childhood.

Breast Fest

hah...hah...rape. Ok, actually no. So i was only at Smith for 24 hours, but apparently that was long enough for me to absorb the fem nazi PC vibe (and get antsy as hell, and accidentally check out a transexual, and meet lots of lesbians) Anyway, there was an exhibit on the in the quad. Every rape victim or friend/family member of a rape victim decorated a t shirt and hung it up. There were over 200 shirts (which is pretty disturbing within itself) and here were a few of the most shocking writings:

"I'm 20 years old and still waiting for my first kiss because of you"

"I came to you for help after I had just been raped. I was still shaking. You raped me again"

"big brother, how does it feel to have your 3 year old sister suck your 18 year old cock?"

"daddy, how could you do that to me?" (like 1/3 of them were peoples dads)

"yeah, but you didn't get raped like i got raped, a random guy on the street with a knife, you knew him, it doesn't count"

yeah...rape...not so funny. But before I get too serious, let's give you mango addicts something else to (consentually) suck on...
ok yeah couldn't think of anything, we'll just have to stick with rape for now...later!

I'm Sorry I Byrned My Toast

So pretty much the stupidest little thing can lead to the worst most disproportionate consequences, and I am clearly not to be trusted when it comes to self-restraint. My mom, being the eternal optimist that she is, said that things always work out for the best, and sometimes in life the worst things can lead to the very best things. I'm not really sure of that myself, or rather, if it's always true, but i really hope it is. And when it comes to people who arguably risked their ass to save mine, I hope it comes true pretty damn quickly.

Shout Outs. BB.

Damn That Toast

Seriously...yeah that's pretty much it seeing as i've already bitched about my life to the max and can't think of anything else to say right now. It's nice outside today. Hopefully it wont snow tomorrow. Also hopefully, I will have a good week next week, which means that not only will the weather be nice, but i will not want to kill myself. Why you ask? beacuse of the toast.

You see, bread is very good, but when you want to make the bread better, you toast it and add butter. The only problem with this is the more you toast the bread, the higher the risk you run of ruining your scrumptious snack all together. while a nice golden brown is appreciated and considered worthy in life in lieu of the pallid, whiteness of bread, the toast can quickly devovlve from a beautiful brown to an [i have a bad vocaublary so just insert a word that means "disgusting and really really bad"] black. it's hard to know when to stop toasting your toast, and only years of life experience can tell you just what that perfect time is. Most people however, can get a good idea of how much is too much before they're toast has actually turned to nasty black ash. I however, have never been a good or cautious toaster. With every added minute on the dial, i was intrigued by the increasing amount of warmth rising from the mouth of the machine, and often questioned just how warm it really was...it was only after i looked down and saw the dark abyss where my healthy golden toast used to be that i turned off the toaster, and realized what i had done to my once tasty golden toast. I do not like black toast. I am not think i am a black toast type of person. I dont deliberatley burn my toast, i am just attempting to make it more delicious, really. I cannot undo the toasting i have done, and it will be a long time before i can get a new white piece of bread out all together. I can only hope that I have not burned my toast too much, and that if i add enough butter i'll still be able to palatte it without grimacing as i am forced to swallow it. or maybe if Im really lucky, my toast will be scrutinized further, and i will find that if you scrape the little bits of ash off the surface, it was not too black at all, and an even nicer shade of golden brown.

Wish me luck, and a tasty piece of toast.

Juicy's List of Fabulous Fuck Ups

I would just like to take this time to announce that I have fucked myself over yet again, and my life continues to hit newfound alltime lows that were not considered possible up until this point. Here's why. But Before I go onto bitch about my masochisticly cursed existence i would like to shout out all my friends, old and new, because theyre pretty much the only valuable things I have left after half a term, and maybe even a whole year if i think about it too much, of dissapointing myself.

1. as for the first most promintent problem on my mind, i may be pretty dumb sometimes (as i was at this particular time, VERY dumb and just getting dumber) but im not dumb enough to post anything about it on the internet. lets just say we'll see where it goes, and pray to God above (if he exists, or perhaps just Fate if it has any plans for me after all) I stil have a shot at my top choice college and a solid year and a half of working myself into a stupor was not literally flushed away.

2. On the topic of making poor decisions, i have recently realized i am an absolute failure at time management. I also re-realized (this seems to happen alot, so we can add an inablity to learn from the first fuck up to my list of fuck ups) that i cannot live on no sleep and gross amounts of taurine and caffeine, nor can i really buckle down and work in my friends rooms, nor can i socialize until 2 and then start productive work at 4 and continue it until 6, nor can i set my alarm for 5:30 and actually expect myself to get up, nor can i leave off three major assignments to one weekend. (which at my school really means "a day and a half of free time," its very misleading...) Up until now i feel i have been cut a ridiculous amount of slack for my inability to "actually hand anything in on time" (<--- words that will start an epiphany, I swear) but im sick of needing it. really. im sortof disgusted with myself.

3. for the reason detailed in number two, i skipped several classes to catch up and did not get my grades back up to where i want, and i think one of my teachers hates me...(at least one anyway) So not only will i have to deal with my dad yelling at me for poor grades and number 1 simontaneously (ouch), i also get to explain to my advisor what the fuck was going on that last week of school, in addition to number 1. because of said falling grades, again, about a year and a half of work has now been defenstrated.

4. this isnt really a fuck up, but i would just like to take this time to yell at blogger for making me upgrade and confusing me with this new google account thing. thanks blogger, thanks alot for making my life even more annoying. youre supposed to be comforting me here.

6. i failed my drivers test. i blame the car completely, but this still counts as a fuck up...

7. end of this hockey season....awesome start, then I don't know what happenned...this was probably concurrent with when i stopped sleeping

8. i'm 17 and still alone. i dont even want to think about how many fuck ups that entails.

by now youre probably thinking "don't worry juicy, theres more to life than grades, achieving personal goals, freedom, sports, relationships, and college admission" and this is very true, but there may aswell not be because it just gives me something else to fuck up eventually. woohoo!

Dear Life, A few questions...

1. What the fuck? It seems everytime I think something is in my past it creeps up on me when i least expect it and most need it. Is there such a thing as destiny and fate, or is this just the way things work out? (though I suppose if im a N.o.F I cant really question fate's existence...my bad...) And if everything from your past does come back to you eventually and is in that way 'fated' to happen, then doesn't that almost make fate less of a big deal if it applies to everything, and not just a few special instances? or,

2. Is just my life this fucked up? seriously...all this shit happenns that always seems so interconnected with everything else and freakishly ironic. Am I just a hallucinating psycho? I mean, we know I'm a psycho at least, Jesus Christ never knew how much of a psycho I was, but why do these things keep happenning to me? and why do they always have to be such a big deal? on the opposite end of the spectrum, If i stop reading my life like a book i might be able to be a little more objective, maybe still a psycho but at least not a psycho with some twisted perception of reality. Then again I'm starting to learn we're all a little psycho.

3. When Dammit? OK, I get the whole 'things happen for a reason and you can always learn stuff' concept, and I've learned a shit load, but what exaclty am I supposed to do with loads and loads of knowledge about how Im a PSYCHO???

ok yeah, 2 40 AM, done WAYYY too much thinking for one day and not enough sleeping for one week, def time to call it a night...dont ask me to explain this....

You Knew It Was Coming...

Well I don't feel like doing my CompGov reading just yet, (if I ever do) so I'm going to take a second to rant about the upcoming "holiday" AKA a catholic saint's feast blown entirely out of proportion because we are a society of dreamy-eyed pussies who gobble up romantic comedies like no other (myself not entirely excluded- still haven't decided which one I'll be bawling my eyes out to come wednesday).

Honestly, I can never decide whether I like Valentine's day or not. On one hand, I get to wear my favorite colors (even if i look like a total tool because I dont actually have a valentine) and eat a lot of chocolate and feel loved by all my friends that send me valentines. (key word in that sentance being 'friends') On the other hand, it disturbs me how Hallmark has taken the most complex and f-ing fickle human emotion (cuz thats really all romantic love is and all that Valentine's day intends to celebrate), something that people have spent thousands of years living and trying to figure out, something that people have even died for, and reduced it to a tacky red heart with a doilie behind it. Seriously. And as if human relationships were that simple. It makes sense to celebrate romantic love and all, but do we have to be so goddam tacky about it? When I think of Valentines day I think of cheap serrated to/from cards (the kind they gave out in grade school and that I only got because you had to be nice and give them to everyone) and tacky one-liners like "will you be my valentine?" Yuck. who wants to be a valentine? It's phrases like that that almost make me glad i'm alone. And even if someone were to ask me out, i'd almost be embarassed to say he did it on Valentine's day just because it's so cliche and superficial sounding.

Let's also not forget that Valentine's day inevitibly makes at LEAST fifty percent of the population miserable. If you are alone, it gets rubbed in even further. If you are alone but someone asks you out, the relationship is in all liklihood doomed because the guy/girl had to wait for some stupid holiday to do anything about it, not to mention probably reduced themself to generic gift giving in lieu of anything really meaningful or thoughtful. (flowers and chocolate: sweet motion, yes, sometimes tasty, but that's pretty much it.) Now let's look at the people who are actually in relationships: half of them will relish the opportunity to show how much they love each other, while the other half will feel awkward because they have no idea what to do, or because one person got really into it and the other didn't. (so now at least 12.5 percent of the population feel like horrible people, and the other 12.5 percent feel like fools. Awesome!)

Now that I've vented my excessive bitterness, I can go on to appreciate what little joy I get from the holiday, i.e. free candy, nice colors, and presents from my friends. (cuz I really do appreciate those, seeing as i'm careful to never actually expect anything to begin with, for those of you that missed my lovely "emo blog" which i would actually link you to but that takes way too much effort) Plus there's always the joy of living vicariously through others and hearing about all the cute shit that happenned to them. As for me, I took a bite of my first piece of Valentine's Day chocolate the other day and I cut my gum...I think we can take that as an omen...

24 HOURS BITCHES!!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I, Juicy, and Polly, My Indian Sex Kitty (well technically just me but whatever) has broken 24 hours of consecutive conciousness for the first time EVERRR!! How did she do it you ask? Well it all started with these Blue Demon Full Throttles, chosen partially because they were tequila flavored (I think) which are pretty much the sickest things ever (yes, better than Amp)because they taste amazing (good amazing, not like nasty oversweet energy drink so just bear it amazing)and will pretty much have you walking around your neighborhood yelling random things and running around in the snow (!) at six o clock in the morning. Well, at least it will give you the energy to....the psycho bit is probably just me. Though I swear to god that tree looked like a creepy guy.....hey now I've only gotten 13 hours of sleep in the past five days...dammit i need to be awake by 12....Oh, I should also probably add in that we split a red bull and had a sugarload of sour patch kids cotton candy, which is nasty at first but gets sort of "morish" on you (as my mom said before she started spanking me and making S&M jokes...really, she did) And the four American Pie movies really helped too...funny how if i were doing work id've been dead 4 hours ago...ok ISK is getting tired and I should probably sleep, though this whole psycho conciousness thing is really fun.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Starbucks=Life

So I would be on my 3rd energy drink/ 5th (?) caffeneited beverage in 24 hours (the much feared 'full throttle', it was all blockbuster had, probably has something to do with it being owned by coke...monopolistic nazis)and watching every single American Pie film ever made (except American Wedding cuz blockbuster is annoying like that) except that my Indian Sex Kitty actually fell asleep during our "ten minute nap" almost two hours ago, so here I am blogging for both your and my entertainment. wheeeee!!
So I was working in Starbucks the other day (because that's pretty much all I do now, and yet I still manage to hand everything in late because I am a failure and a lazy ass with no time management skills who just won't learn to stop pushing it to the last minute and who has severly fucked herself over for like the third time and who is absolutley sick of always cramming shit at the last minute. Who would have thought that one three hour nap monday afternoon would fuck me over for the rest of the week? That said, I should probably be working on the rewrites that have been hanging over my head for like a week, But like I said, i've been doing nothing but papers since saturday night and there is simply no paper writing function left in me. the 13 hours of sleep over three days really helped too. Wow that was a long parenthetical rant.) ANYWAY I was being studious in starbucks and I looked up and saw a kid, couldn't have been older than 10, doing her Wordly Wise homework on the table next to me. I looked to the other side and saw a mom with two kids, maybe 8 and 5, looking equally productive. What has become of society?!? OK, Highschool and college students I get, but elementary school kids are now joining the regular starbucks workforce too? That is just wrong...
It's funny though, how starbucks turns into a noisy, brand-name beverage selling library on Sunday nights....go down and see for yourself sometime. It's all highschool students in little groups with their drinks and books. I really have to wonder how i ever got work done before this place popped up...pshh, the library...

Yeah so im pretty much the biggest dork on the face of the planet and it's getting worse and worse as time progresses. Or maybe I'm not because....

Graph That!

...all on the floor, graph that! give me some more....graph that!


yeah, we can all thank koopon for that one. So today i realized that 1. i am way too lazy for my own good and have no self discipline (which should be reallllllly fun to explain to my advisor tomorrow) 2. I am so NOT on the honor roll for midterm so we can say bye to driving permissions (not that i really ever ask the deans anway so i dont really care...can i get a *snap*snap* for a 79 in Philo and Lit? yeah....i thought so...) and 3. now that i have embraced my failure, i may aswell enjoy what little ounce of life i have left before my male biological predecessor kills me, or I start actually doing work again to get my grades up for when it actually counts. Why did I apply to Harvard again?

So that's pretty much what I'm doing now....procrastinating the comp lab blogging with koopon who is doing his usual amusing babbling. Oh, and I wrote a newspaper article to put in some over-achiever points, though seriously sunday chapel does need to die. Why does society want us to be productive again? [insert polly rant here] Oh, and I wrote a short story for English that made me really happy (next time you see vertical just call him Hamlet) And shout outs to OSK too...though I heard about the fate of Batman...there's still hope...sorta....you never know. I could think of more things to write about but i'd probably end up ranting, being emo, and generally not being productive. I can tell myself that I will be productive later, but that's only after i've kicked my indian sex kitty out of my room or made her do work, which means about an hour later i'll want to go to bed. Ahh...dorm life. Duds Day tomorrow though, that should be fun even though I am wayyy overdue for laundry. And hopefully I can dye my hair and then wash it out before the Yale interview. College is taking over life. That is so wrong, but luckily only for the next 3-and-a-half-months. Wow...i dunno if that's too long or surprisingly soon....Oh well, nothing I can do about it now but study comp gov and pray to god I don't get waitlisted. Later!

oh, and shout outs to gavrich for those notes!

Emo Blogging

If you don’t expect anything you’ll never be disappointed. It’s a proven fact, and it’s pretty much how I live my life. You’d think it would be the least emotionally dangerous way to go about things, seeing as you never get fucked over. but what they don’t tell you is that after years and years of not expecting anything, you may not get hurt by other people, but you end up hurting yourself even more, and it’s the kind of hurt that no one else can deliver quite as poignantly as you can. It’s not the crippling, painful blow that comes all at once when someone turns you down, but a creeping soreness that you don’t even realize is a pain until it’s disturbed. And once it is, there’s no going back.
When someone else tells you youre not good enough, you can always tell them they’re wrong or just run away from them. It sucks to have someone else disappoint you like that, which is why so many people (like myself) will go to crazy lengths to avoid just that situation. But really which is worse? Having someone else fuck you over and getting over it, or giving yourself just that tiny little pinch of “ just don’t bother” everyday until that part of you is so numb you don’t even realize you’re touching it. And when it does get jabbed a little harder than usual, it bleeds like hell until you can grow and even thicker scab, whose dried and flaky carnage slowly replaces the space that used to be saved for nerve endings.
Hello, my name is Juicy and my soul consists of a large clump of dried cells that don’t even have nuclei. Whatever you do, don’t turn out like me.

G+G+G+ Bitching

Hmm...so it's been awhile since I posted anything but it's hard to think of anything really significant to post about, seeing as my life in the winter can pretty much be summed up in the following three Gs:

-grades
-goaltending
-gossip whoring

(only not so much the first nowadays, oops...) So let's talk about the last one. The other night at dinner two friends and I were sitting around, and a little fac brat had a note addressed to a friend of ours. Not only did we spend half an hour or more trying to procure the note from this kid (since when do they make 11 year olds that look like six year olds that think like 16 year olds?) under the pretext that she was planning to give it to her facutly parent and we were doing the people that were actually meant to read the note a favor by intercepting it first. (cmon, its sorta true...) Anyway, the note didn't contain anything fantastic but getting it kept me amused for about forty-five minutes. (ohh...life metaphor!)And even if it did my new years resolution would prevent me from publishing it on the internet. *stick-out-tongue-smiley*

Like I said, the first G hasn't been getting too much attention in the past few days, but hopefully all that is about to change, or at least today it did. Did I mention that the stomach ache is God's gift to man? seriously...i don't wanna go all Odysseus and jinx myself here (yes, it's happened) but you just go in, look sad, say you have a stomach ache, go to sleep for as long as you want, then wake up and Bam! It's Juicy's Day Off! Not that I did anything nearly as cool as Bueller, but walking around the cafeteria in your PJs while all your friends still have to go to class has its perks...not to mention the getting caught up with everything and not stressing out while listening to mediocre radio all day. It seems too good to be true...That, and the fact that just one slim doorway stands between me and freedom at 3am on a saturday. Well, more like a slim doorway and my friend's "Juicy-really-now-I-care-about-you-and-dont-want-you-to-get-kicked-out-of-school-and-not-get-into-college-and-make-the-stupidest-mistake-of-your-life" eyes. Who came up with this whole 'real freinds' idea again?

so yeah that's pretty much my pathetic life in a nutshell. Funny word, pathetic. It means weak, or in some other way generally unworthy, But i can't help but recognize the greek root "pathos" which I'm almost sure means "feelings." Perhaps the Nazis and myself weren't the first? just a thought...Another great word that comes to mind is "whorish," for example, "my fantastically whorish shoes that I love to death even though my heels still hurt." psh...objectifying women in the media...seriously...that presentation was smart and funny but can you grab me a drink? thanks. Though if she did have a point about one thing, guys in this country are spoiled. Just turn on the TV and watch a few adds, at least half of them will contain a nude or partially clad woman with long hair and perfect skin. No wonder the East hates us...

Roadtrip Plan B (AKA "The Pina Colada Song")

I brought up the whole summer roadtrip with my Dad, and as can be expected he wasn't too gung-ho about it, but he didn't completely disqualify it either. But what he did do was pretty damn cool. Im not sure if he realized what he was getting himself into at the time, but as my graduation present he offered to fly us all (he has like 5 million FF miles) down to St. Croix and pay for basic necessities.
Now I know the Zs aren't crazy about the beach, but THINK about this...St. Croix is a small tropical island in the USVI. We own a condoe on the beach that also has a swimming pool and a snack shack. There are two bedrooms and a couch, so if we really squish we could fit six people. While we are down there we could go to the beach, snorkel/scuba dive, play ping pong, take boat trips to buck island (the kind of deserted island you see in TV commercials), shop around in town duty free, maybe hit some casinos/clubs and probably find a ton of other fun random things to do. (plus i have this amusing image in my head of bagel trying to make friends with a drugged out rasta, vertical trying to shimmy up a palm tree, and josh on the beach with three girls looking like even more of a pimp) Oh, and did i mention the drinking age is 18 and practically a joke? it would be like friggen spring break. Not to mention I've been going to the island since i was a baby so I'm pretty famialir with it and all the parents might feel better about this than a random roadtrip. I'm still all for the roadtrip, but if it doesn't work out you must admit an unsupervised tropical vacation is a pretty damned good back up option...comments?

Hello, Juicy, You Have 1 New Message...

So i've been wasting a lot of time online this break, which means i've essentially been wasting a lot of time on facebook finding old friends and relations to add to my ever-expanding blackhole of a friends page. But when you start friending people like your friend's friend who you hung out with a lot in elementary school, you need to ask yourself, is this really good for society? yeah it's cool to see that they still exist, and maybe add 'em to your friends list for the hell of it, but we know that the awkward wall or message conversation really cannot last or develop into anything. Why add that pressure?(then again, I thought I wouldn't still be talking to half of my old friends and I am, so I guess I'm not the best judge when it comes to longevity and quality. Infact, I just remembered that I once randomly remet someone and it actually lasted awhile was probably the closest thing ive ever had to a relationship...oops)

ANYWAY my point was that even though there are some people who are fun to reconnect with, there are other people that need to just be left in the past, and people don't always see eye-to-eye on this. As great as facebook is for the reconnecting bit, it makes things sort of awkward when you get poked by someone you're really not to keen to talk to again (even if it is just cuz, as i recently realized, im a bitch.) And plus I honestly don't think it leaves a lot of room for personal growth if you're always forced into awkward conversations with people from your past whom you never knew that well anyway. Then again, I guess just not returning a FB message is nothing to get pissy about...yeah that was pointless, here's a quiz-

Juicy is poked by a friend/person-that-asked-her-out-and-failed that she knows from 3 years ago but has since blocked. she follws decorum and returns the poke, also enabling her to view his profile. Should she
a. friend him out of curiosity/boredom
b. friend him out of curiosity/boredom and say hi because she now feels bad for treating him like shit
c. tell her mom to buy more snackfoods
d. do nothing

(for the record, she cant see personal info and the picture is nothing fab. if she ever saw this person in real life, she would probably hide)

mmm...Nexusy

Once upon a time, there was a litte Nexus of Fate. The Nexus was studying hard so she could get into college, but realized she was essentially screwed for an upcoming test. She was pretty desperate, so completely on a whim she asked someone else for help, and was quickly presented with her next celestial assignment. Upon talking to this new found acquaintance, she learned that he had spent a large quantity of time pining over someone that was probably not very good for him. Perhaps the Nexus was feeling guilty for having treated some other guys like this, or perhaps she just recognized someone that needed a little help, but she was determined to help this person out.
It would be a lie to say that the Nexus had not devised a more selfish method of doing that, and she must confess this made her very happy, but a Nexus knows when the fates are at work. (She also knows when to tip off a slightly-too-oblivoius friend about her own feelings, and when to tell someone that if they don't go for it they're an idiot.)
In the past two weeks, the Nexus was not able to help noticing all the good things that were happenning to all of her other friends aswell. (Can she get an 'i told ya so!') The only annoying thing about being a Nexus of Fate is that there really isn't a Nexus-of-Fate dating service for highschoolers, but a Nexus learns to accept her existance as a singular entity. She asks only to be able to third-wheel every now and then, and gets much joy from seeing all of her friends so happy from her help. The priority decision deadline for Harvard is tomorrow, and Brown is january 1st. Maybe if her friends have had a little aid from the Fates, the Nexus could get her share too. And then maybe, if she's really lucky, she'll meet another Nexus of Fate to be, well, Nexusy with...

Let's Talk About Feelings!

Mmm...feelings. well, actually no. what I want to talk about is the futility of them. Here is just how peachy life is at the moment:

Ok so originally I was gonna write out all the shit that's going on with people at the moment in the anonymous third person, but y'all know who you are and if you want my juicy advice you can have it. I'm bound to give something away that I shouldn't and I don't want to piss people off. The overall point was that everyone sees things differently. One comment from someone can be interpreted or ignored ten different ways from ten different people. Everyone seems to have a different idea of what's going on even between those very close to them. It'd be nice to think that just by spilling everything and clarifying it for everybody I could make life easier, but I can't do that. In fact, even the people directly invovled don't always know what they want, and I'm starting to think it's near impossible, or at least extremely rare, to find two people with slightly more than friendly feelings for each other who are invovled in a perfectly balanced relationship. (then again, maybe i'm just hanging around my kooky highschool friends too much)

So yeah that's pretty much my rant for the day. Hopefully I can translate some of this brilliant cynicism into my college supplements, but probably not.