Kids These Days....

Juicy: C'mon kids, get in line

*Here, Juicy eyes two 2nd grade boys looking straight at each other, and holding both of each others hands with their noses about two inches apart as one jokingly kisses/pecks at the other*

Juicy: Umm....line, guys, line...




Young Boy: Hey Juicy, do you want some fashion advice?
Juicy: Um...Sure, most of my friends seem to think I need it anyway. Go for it.
Young Boy: Well for starters, you shouldn't have any bumps on your head.
Juicy: Like, in my hair?
Young Boy: No, like on your face.
Juicy: Are you making fun of my acne?
Young Boy: Umm...Uhh...No.....
Juicy: Pshh. thanks. (That definitley killed my morning) Continue.
Young Boy: Well, you should paint one set of nails yellow, and the other orange, same on your toenails.
Juicy: OK, sure.
Young Boy: And you can keep those shorts, but you should wear highheels instead. And you should wear a shirt like this (a tube top). And you should wear lipstick, dark red lipstick.
Juicy: Umm...Ok that's pretty scandalous for camp but maybe another time.
Young Boy: Yeah, like if you want to get dressed up. Oh, and you should wear eyeshadow, black eyeshadow, and a brown purse with long dangly earrings, but keep your hair like that....What's scandalous?
Juicy: Uhh....bad, but not like your idea is bad, just like...racy. Tim [another councillor], any help here?
Tim: Sorry, you're on your own with that one.

(Here I lost the boy's attention, thank god)




*Young Girl and Juicy are playing a hand game*

Girl: Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack,
All dressed in black, black, black,
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons,
All down her back, back, back,
She asked her mother, mother, mother,
For fifty cents, cents, cents, to see the....ahh I forgot!

Juicy: Elephant?

Girl: No...Oh, I got it!

She asked her mother, mother, mother,
For fifty cents, cents, cents
To see the boys, boys, boys
drop their pants, pants, pants,
She got in trouble, trouble, trouble,
by Mrs. Bubble, bubble, bubble....

I wrote it myself!

Juicy: ...

Breaking News Memo- 7/ 21/ 2008

To Whom It May Concern,


As we all know, a decent percentage of our prime-time TV commercial slots are filled with adds for Sonic: A mysterious food chain, which, according to recently discovered shocking evidence ladies and gentlemen, might actually exist. It was a grueling search indeed (taking several groups of google keywords) and apparently we are not the only ones who often wonder "Where the hell is that place?" but we now, in fact, have an excellent reason to believe that a (supposedly) mediocre meal and drinks with creatively-crafted flavor shot combinations served to us retrostyle on rollerskates might just be that much closer.

And by that much closer, according to the newfound evidence, I mean approximatly three hours (four from the northern end of the state). It will be a quest indeed, but I have vowed that by the end of this year (or maybe even, with God's will, this summer) I will go to a Sonic and prove once and for all that their existance is not fiction, but fact. I know it will be a dangerous challenge, but the time has come to weed out the weaklings if that is the sacrafice required to once and for all turn theory to law. Be assured, a discovery of this calibur's implications will ricochet across all fields and far into the future for generations to come. In the name of Science, Men, who's with me?



A professional artist's interpretation of the mysterious food chain:


















All parties interested, please contact me via the 'comments' link below.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. Juicy, PhD.

This One Time, At Science Camp...

It seems that somehow while being put in charge of a group of elementary-school aged kids, I have also regressed to my earlier, simpler days. I eat a packed lunch from a colorful box, avoid large words, and find myself quietly lusting after someone I've had about three two-sentenced conversations with. (I'd try for more, but then he might know I like him!) Anyway, Here are some highlights from the week:



Councillor: Ok, what paint colors does this table want?

Young Boy: PINK!!!




Councillor : Why don't you go run around over there?

Young Boy: *runs over to light post and starts to hump it*

Young Girl: Hey, wanna know how I have a cat and don't have a cat at the same time?

Juicy: Um, was it in a box and did you talk to a man named Schrodinger?

Young Girl: *breaks into hysterical laughter*

(I still don't think she got it...)

The Search Continues....

Every now and then, I am reminded that being a lawyer is actually a cool, and very worthy profession. The usual thanks of course go to Law and Order (Though maybe a TV show isn't the best reason to choose a job, plus I don't think I have the balls to acutually be a cop) and in this case, two very interesting documentaries on VH1: "Sex: A Revolution" and "America: The Drug Years."



Not only do I highly reccomend them both to anyone who wants to gain a profound cultural insight into how far america has come in the past 50 years alone, but they also are an excellent reminder that The Man is exactly that- a singularity that can easily make mistakes, and who cares only for its own well being. Most of all, he is not to be trusted. For example, while America was attempting to crack down on Hippie drug use during the Vietnam war, the CIA was simultaneously trafficking herion by the shitload to appease eastern war lords, and it actually ended up in the hands of our soldiers themselves. While at first this was a legitimate way to deal with war stress (probably similar to what we're doing now with Prozac) at the height of the war an average of two soldiers were dying a day from overdoses- that's 1 in every four men of the entire army. Those who survived came back with serious addiction problems, and the CIA even helped them to smuggle heroin back to the US in body bags until the DEA was formed a few years later. Long story short- thanks to the government, we have heroin on our streets.



And heres a special snippet from "Sex: A Revolution" that really managed to get my blood boiling: At Cornell University in the 1950s, female students lived in proctored dormitories and had to always check in by 10:30 (no male visitors, of course) while the boys had no such limitations and could pretty much do as they pleased. Obviously this hits a soft spot for me (having had to deal with check-in for 3 years and still feeling a little deprived at a women's college) but it still makes me feel an incredible sense of relief that I'm growing up then and not now. I really think that kind of biased rule making is disgusting.

...And then I think to myself: But what if it still is? I take a lot for granted being a vagina-owner in America. If I were born in Africa I might have been forced to undergo a clitorectomy; If I were born in the conservative Middle East I would have had to remain subserviant to my husband and hide in a chidoor all day. And imagine the horrible things that go on in other countries? Yup, I think we've found at least one legitimate possible carreer path (aside from the small possibility of getting myself shot).

What's My Age Again?

Sorry for the lull, but they say boring life -> even more boring blogging, so I was at least trying to retain some form of quality control. Today however, we have some good news, and by saturday afternoon, we (or rather, I) I will have something even better.

Everyone, meet Baby. She looks something like this:

Brand new, five doors, Tiptronic transmission, lots of airbags, "Candy White" coloring, and, best of all, she's mine! All mine! (Technically the Padre's name is on the title so he can write it off as a company car, but you get the idea.) I even co-signed the lease so I could establish good credit. (This was the same week I actually got really excited about my new healthcare program...it was a bizarre experience). Anyway, there are only three conditions that govern my use of the car:

1. No using cell phone while driving (given)

2. Keep the car clean, and no smoking in the car (sure, why not)

3. No long distance driving until you are fully adjusted to the new car. This should take no more than a few weeks. (common sense)

In addition, Whether or not you get good grades next semester determines how much insurance you have to pay.

...Wait? What's this? Is Dad actually thinking like a reasonable, and perhaps, dare I say, liberal parent on something significant and relative to daily life? I was just about to near shit myself with joy, when this beautiful conversation took place:

Male Predecessor: You know, my girlfriend is worried about leaving you alone in the house for a week; we might not go on vacation.

Offspring: I'm sure she's not the only one with that concern...

Male Predecessor: Not necessarily, but it would be better if you had friends over so long as you don't trash the place.

... ... ... Seriously?

Indeed, there are some things in life so joyous there is only one way to react to them, and that is exactly what I did. I ran upstairs, and jumped on my bed.

Tell Me, Juicy, Do You Still Sleep With A Gun Under Your Pillow?

Now recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about my career, and I'm sure I've already bored you all to death with my usual array of options (Lawyer, Investigator, Meth Lab Operator, etc.). But the truth is, there is one more option I have yet to divulge; the ultimate career that I have never dared to actually attempt to pursue but still manages to seriously get my blood running, and that I am now legitimatley considering for lack of any current, more interesting ideas. Think about it: Juicy...as James Bond.

(Well, the female American version. One of Charlie's Angels, perhaps?)

Now there are a lot of pros and cons to being a covert ops field agent that had prevented me from really pursuing this before, but let's take a moment to analyse them:

Pros

• Guns
• I'd have to stay in kickass shape
• Travel and adventure
• Sexy outfits
• Get to use applied Chemistry
• Use analytical skills
• Use language skills
• Use badass skills

Cons

• Guns
• I'd have to stay in kickass shape
• I'd become government property (unless I went Charlie's Angels style)
• I wouldn't actually get my own theme music
• Even if I do get to keep said sexy outfits, and they manage to stay in one piece, they might smell of sweat/ashes/gunpowder/nitroglycerin
• Higher risk for STDs
• I'm not Bill Gates/Will Hunting/Our Valedictorian, so I probably don't have the brain cells for it anyway, and would end up stuck behind a desk doing the NSA's boring dirtywork.

Clearly, this is a far more legitimate dialogue than I previously thought. And after all, if we've learned one thing, I have no future as a physicist. Why you ask? Here:

Me: "But if they all clump together when they skydive, won't it be more dangerous because they fall faster?" (*SHAME! UTTER SHAME!*)


Oh, and quote of the week: "say hi to him, he has cancer"- Dad




** Or maybe not all all is lost for a carreer in physics! Yes, I foolishly forgot that the acceleration of gravity is a constant BUT...

1. P=MV=momentum
2. if V is a constant regardless of M then P will still increase due to M.
3. According to Newtons Law the painful force of earth that is exerted on them in impact is the equal and opposite force to the momentum they exert on the earth when they fall
4. ERGO- an increased mass may not lead to a faster descent, but it will still lead to more painful results upon impact for the entire party.

Ha! Take that Hawking...

Dirty Little Secret

I have a few guilty pleasures in life. This blog post is about one of them.


It all started on sad day of mild desperation (that probably had something to do with chemistry, boys/lack thereof, or confusion regarding my general overall direction in life) but once you pop, the fun don't stop. No, I'm not talking about drugs or what/who I was doing around this time last year, I am talking about this website. Though this logic doesn't usually help when I'm trying to comfort my friends, I've always found an intense amount of relief comes from knowing that there are tons of people in the world who are probably going through exactly what you are, or maybe even far worse. Yeah, your life sucks now, but at least you're not pondering suicide or overcoming child molestation. Dissastified with something in life? No worries, you're one of at least a million, and the world still seems to be functioning normally.

It's interesting to see that secrets actually tend split four ways. A large chunk are somewhat serious, profound truths that the author might well deny if ever confronted with (eg: "I live in a small, rightwing Christian town and I'm gay!"). The second aren't entirely secrets at all, but more like furtive, direct messages hoping to be found by happenstance. Their creators, for some reason or another, decided actually telling the intended recipient was a bad idea, but they were just so overcome with feeling they had to at least feed the fantasy that the message might still get through somehow. (These first two account for most of the emoness I'll be discussing later). The third kind are usually some sortof statement that's no secret at all, and really just intended for a mass audience that post secret is facilitating the attention of. The fourth run the gamut of categories, but they're more lighthearted and fun. Here's a personal favorite:

(And you all thought academia was a stretch...anyways...)

Now since the discovery of this great treasure trove of humanity my quality of life has generally improved; but I still like to check in every week anyway. After awhile the content of the cards does become a little pathetically predictable and wreak of emo drivel, but maybe we shouldn't be so quick to dismiss this. The majority of the cards contain a truth that's had a major, defining influence in someone else's life. While we all can distract ourselves with hobbies, TV shows, and (to a slightly less frivolous degree) jobs and careers, It's a nice reminder that the most important things in life often end up being the quality of our relationships with other people. Furthermore, it's nice to think that the world does still contain a few people who seem to really care about each other (even if it is often in that slightly overdone, emo, unrequitted way) or people who at least aren't the cold, heartless type that I generally figure the world is full of.



Long story short- keep 'em coming, I'm listening.

Some Things In Life Are Just Wrong

"Cookies are sometimes food." "Eat cookies after good stuff like veggies." What the fuck is this!? Response to childhood obesity my ass. I'm sure these kids will lose so much weight eating double the amount of food: cookies, and other "healthier" food to compensate. (Like maybe burgers and fries, or pizza) Just let the kids eat the damn cookies for chrissakes.













Trust me, they're disgusting.



Finally, Some adds on the side of my facebook page:

"An effective method. Tree Trial!"

"You and your group will experience the true sport of Montreal club hopping while avoiding all line-ups"

You'd think facebook adspace would be pricey and ergo worth a proofreading. Apparently not.



And a quick question: I know Apple is a fan of the whole sleek design thing (that's pretty much all they have going for them) but is it so abominable to aesthetics to have a right and a left click mouse? This whole two-handed control button thing is absurd.

Blogging Saves the Day!

This week two years ago, our favorite obnoxoiusly orange blog was born. To celebrate such a fantastic feat of my own attention span, I have decided to (try my best to) blog every (week)day surrounding the great commemoration of this event. I don't think I can think up any presents for good ol' MFA right now, but these things are always appreciated. Also, if anyone would like to present me with a red cape and goggles, I'm sure I could find a use for them.



While our cracked-out gamer friend has been awaiting the delivery of his fix in the mail, I too have been eagerly awaiting a questionable purchase. (No, it's not that riding crop...not yet at least) Having succumbed to the temptaion of instantaneous, spontaneous music purchases at only "$0.99" (we forget tax) a song and the laziness of corporatley controlled, pre-installed software, It seems that over time Itunes has become my main digital music organizer. And since those evil geniuses at Apple decided to put all Itunes purchases in a special format that could be played by no other competing MP3 player without an excess of effort (thus furthur enabling their ultimate goal of world domination) it was only a matter of time until I succumbed to masses and did the previously unthinkable. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I finally bought an Ipod.

Everyone, meet Burnette (or "Bernie" for short). She looks something like this:






At least If I'm going to help out a corporate giant I can have the satisfaction of knowing that some obnoxiously small part of my purchase went to go help fight AIDS. (I also mainly just have a thing for the color red.) Speaking of design, I consider this further Nexusy proof that all things awesome come from California (where it was designed), and that I must get there at some point in life.

I Don't Remember It Looking Quite So Awkward...

The other day, I attended what is possibly one of the most emo events ever. A middle school (emo) graduation (emo), followed by a dance (uber emo) for all the kiddies.

The class had about 30 kids in it, and it was funny because it seemed to be split up into two types of kids. Some looked like they could still be in elementary school, while the other half were probably taller than me and looked more like graduating seniors instead. (I swear, one of 'em could have passed for 21). The Catholic mass turned graduatuion ceremony dragged on a bit, but there were a few highlights:

• The black woman infront of us yelping "Woohoo! Halleluja praise the Lord!" and almost bursting into tears every time her overachieving son was honored.

• trying to guess, in this miniscule and tightnit class of 30, which one of the girls my cousin might have a crush on

• When they called out for the Honor roll students to stand up, and about five kids (including my youngin' cousin) stood up. My family was all proud and clapped, and I was too. But then they sat down, and the MC called out for all the kids graduating with High Honors to stand up, and there were a little under 10 of them. Hahah...ouch.

But like I said, this was a truly emo event. While we ate dinner in a church basement (If you haven't noticed yet, it was a catholic school) while being bombarded by slow, mediocre, gushy rock music (emo), my entire family kept commenting on "The Girl In the White Dress" that my (no longer so) lil' cousin was hanging out with. Granted even for a girl in middle school she was notably attractive: one of those tall, sociable, inherenlty radiant types. (Bitch?) but my aunt waived them off as "just friends". Regardless, (and trying to be the cool, understanding, older cousin that I am) I just respectfully looked away and drummed my fingernails while everyone else was half staring at them. God knows the last thing any one wants is to get your whole family involved in that kind of situation. Plus, it must be said that my cousin was on the shorter side of the class. My dad actually asked him about it (second hand embarassment, much?) and I think he said he liked someone else. Who knows. All I know is that once we left, and after that first dance of many started, then ended, it was either

a.) the best night of his life

b.) fun but mildly dissapointing; or,

c.) a huge bummer

Godspeed, youngin', godspeed. Oh, and welcome to Highschool. (so enjoy multiple choice while you still can)

I would usually spend some time reflecting on my own middle school experience [see title] or getting around the fact that "Little Joe"is actually old enough to think well for himself, mack on mini-hoes, and use the F word, but this cool older cousin just got wheels for the day. Peace!

Youz is Startin 2 Bugz Me! && <3

So everyone knows that the bumper sticker application is pretty much the most genius addition to that social networking site (whatcha call it again?) that we all know and love. But while wasting time browsing through stickers (not having a search option- also a genius idea causing us to waste hours on the application) I can't help but find myself a little annoyed. For starters, a large chunk of the stickers just look something like this:







This is all sweet and endearing at first, until you've read some girly, feel good saying for like the 50th time in the same cutesy font and you start to wonder "are girls just pathetic, insecure people who need to be constantly reminded of their self worth, or are most guys just douches?" (excellent question) Then again, girls are by no means afraid to hide their inner bitch, as seen here:

A little scary, huh? Yeah I (the ex) would really choose to say that over bumper stickers, and I (the new girlfriend) would totally keep that on my profile. Then of course, the cousin to these bumper stickers, is something like this:












Again, cute, endearing, meaningful....but do we really need hundreds of them even though they all say essentially the same thing? I mean really that was so creative. Another close relative of these stickers are these:







Now I know as well as anyone that the bumper sticker application can be an amazing way to share feelings, but can we cut the emo crap? Yeah thanks, I mean really who wants to admit to that, and if they do who wants to display it on their profile. Speaking of, I would just like to point out that this one is entirely untrue (unless you're more pathetic than anyone I've ever met):












But that said, we should not forget the true genius of the bumper sticker application. Some fantastic disses can only be delivered quite so poignantly as a bumper sticker can, for example












and











And when the time does come to talk about feelings, Bumper stickers does offer us a fantastic variety of funny, creative, nonlame ways to do this in that awesome way that only bumper stickers can. For example








and













Oh, and just because I thought you all would enjoy this one:













(Cuz if he did it, it's clearly OK)

How About Them Apples?

Yesterday I was in an Antiques store and I saw the kind of computer they used to teach us to type on in 1st grade.




Oops, my bad. It was actually a more recent model for sale. Still.

That is all.

Something Intellectuabibble (Or Rather- Intellectuabubble)

Usually on that rare occasion when I watch the news, the part about the economy sortof just goes in one ear and out the other while all therandom figures just fly over my head. But today was a little different. I wasn't watching the local news (Crap programming that it is. Yes, I get it, someone else was raped or in a car accident and some local kindergartners got a visit from a senator...what can I do about this exactly?) but another show, I think it was something to do with a Mr. French.

Realization 1: Paying for college loans and grad school loans is leaving our generation in debt well into their 30s and 40s. So much for youthful and carefree years of youth when these days you can graduate grad school with almost $400,000 in debt, and no guarantee of a job that will pay well enough to pay this off, despite your hard earned degrees.

Realization 2: Unless I miraculously come into tons of money or move to England (Where they pay you to go to college) I'm not having kids. (See Realization1. Is that selfish?)

Realization 3: Today the cost of oil went up by 11 dollars a barrel. 11 DOLLARS! IN ONE DAY! You know how much the price went up yesterday? $5.50. Slight difference much? In a year, the cost of a barrel of oil has gone from around $60 to $140.

Realization 4: Do you know why? NOTHING! All this hype about an oil shortage that hasn't come yet (albeit impending, no one can deny that) is doing nothing but making gas even more expensive. In addition, some rich guys decide they wanna play the market, so they buy oil, making the cost more expensive and waiting for a peak in the cost, and then sell it for a profit. Since the spike caused the DJIA to fall 400 points, this is hurting the average American even more (Since stocks seem to be a far more popular portfolio option for most than crude oil). And of course, on the topic of rich guys, we have Big Oil companies and our favorite president ever, who doesn't seem to be doing much to help get the dollar value back up. Yes, those are all excellent reasons to make it fiscally impossible for my mom to ever drive on a full tank of gas, and to force many of my friends and their families to curtail usual, fun practices because they can only spend so much on gas money. While we can take a little time to enjoy the irony of big buisness and environmentalist hippies aiding the same cause, this is truly ridiculous. When does it end?!

Realization 5: So pretty much by the time I have to go out and support myself my entire generation is going to be doubly fucked. And what is the government doing about this? Well I googled a bit and got nothing, so I'm assuming that's the answer.

Realization 6: Damn that's depressing, no wonder nobody watches the news.

Realization 7: I think I'm a socialist, or at least America and it's leaders need a serious kick in the ass so at least that much can go a little red.

And Then She Realized, She Wasn't Alone...

Oh, and if anyone happens to be splashed at a pool this summer that hasn't been properly chemically tested yet (resulting in skin irritation from the high Chlorine concentration) I reccomend drying the area as much as possible, then mushing up a bannana and applying the product to the skin area in a 90% molar excess. Just a thought.

(nothing highly concentrated or intraveneous though, apparently thats part of the lethal injection process. Who knew?)

Disco Synthesis Update

While unfortunate weather and federal law have prevented my partner and I from commencing the true process, I am glad to announce that the skeleton of a recipie has been developed and an excellent product is anticipated.

In other news, the upcoming Sex and the City Movie is being referred to as "The Super Bowl for Women" because apparently we can all "come together and complete our interaction with a show that has spoken to us so deeply" (not to mention the in-film advertising is recieving pretty much the same hype, yuck). Sure, why not. And here's a fun quote from a mediocre movie: "Guys, a woman's purse is her secret source of power, alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about."

Actually, I've often wondered how guys get by with just stuffing everything in their pockets. I mean granted that a purse (especially a large one) ends up holding tons of unecessary life residue like ticket stubs and lipbalm, but how do guys fit a wallet, a cell phone, glasses, sunglasses, and keys all in their pockets comfortably? And what if they're not wearing cargo pants? Is that how the sagging pants look got in in the first place? (in addition to the whole prison/ghetto trend) I'd really like to know.



(As you can see, it's been a pretty epic week.)

Oh Happy Day!

So a pending employment opportunity has sadly prevented me from proclaiming this to the world via facebook status, but just so y'all know:



I'M NOT ON ACADEMIC PROBATION!!!!!!! YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!! 2.73 BABY!! OH YEAH!!!!

*cue dance party*




That is all.

Like Animal House...But Better

Well actually I've only seen Animal House once, and for some reason I barely remember anything that happenned in that movie except for a Highschool girl that I could have sworn had a masechtomy and Belucci putting some cheese in his mouth and trying to pelt it at a bunch of jocks like it was a machine gun or something. Anyway, I like Will Ferrel better (lord knows why) So I guess we can safely say that Old School probabaly kicks Animal Houses's ass (OK, so Animal House did have the whole plot idea in the first place, but Old School perfected it)

Anyway, It's movies like this that make me feel that warm, fuzzy nostalgia for back when I was in college. Wait....Oops, I still am in college. My B. Guess life is just awesome then. Who knew? (or at least it will be from now on because I have had a major epiphany involving concert tickets, an essentially failed exam, a prize-winning paper, and overall not nearly enough alcohol)

Though if anyone would like to start a bullshit based coed fraternity, I'm obviously all in.

Now, let's use another element of the film to transition from talking about a lighthearted, happy subject to a serious one filled with impending doom. Ready, set, go! It seems to me that media portrays women in a horrible and degrading manner. No, I don't care about the fact that they're objectified as sex objects or essentially the basis of the porn industry, I'm actually talking about young men's wives. You know, those good, wholesome women that men (apparently) decide are awesome enough to forsake thair bachelorhood for and hot enough to keep them satisfied for the Rest. Of. Their. Lives. (I actually heard recently that about 3/4 of married men admit to cheating, but let's not even think about that) Here's my issue- they're too good. Or at least they are according to the media.

Are we really always the bad cops? Forsaking awesome amenities like a living room hot tub or mini bar for Pottery Barn furniture and matching take-off-your-shoes carpets? Giving our husbands curfews and feeling so threatened by something as trivial as a porn collection that it must be hidden in the garage? Insisting on approving nearly everything that goes on in their lives while using our pouty looks and coy glances to slowly bring an end to everything that is, well, fun? I would hope not. As truly touching as it is that guys will be willing to put up with this shit to please us, it sort of scares me that women and marriage are seen as the gateway choice to a boring life. Long story short, if I ever get like that, slap me. (And if my husband ever gets so drunk he decides to go streaking around town by himself, remind me that that is fucking hillarious.)

Public Service Announcement

Life is full of many questions. Questions like "how best can I spend the next three months of free time" (YES!) and "When the hell am I going to run out of this shampoo already?" But here's one maybe the readership can help me out with: Why do men under the age of 27 even consider growing facial hair? A male friend of mine once said that men grow out their facial hair because they're lonely. Do they realize that this will only perpetuate the saddening cycle of lack of both women and the use of a razor? Of all my girlfriends (and there are many) I think only one has ever expressed any sortof positive feelings around facial hair on guys our age whatsoever. Most of them just think "Yuck!" Please, young men of the world, consider that an indicator. Maybe it does make you feel older or more manly or whatnot, but why don't you spend the time you'd usually spend growing out your hair doing something even more manly? I dunno, maybe like lifting weights, macking hoes...shaving? Just some suggestions, you get the drift. Hell, even writing emotional poetry beats a beard.


PS: No hatin' koops. I know you're already a lost cause and I'm not even going to bother. I hope you thoroughly enjoy resembling a pedophile. Seriously though, doesn't that thing get hot in the summer?

Musings From a Carrel Devoid of All Hope and Caring

I have a long night ahead of me.

No, I will not be doing chemistry volunteer work. (as I wish I was)

No, I will not be getting shizzy crunk with my dormmates afterwards. (as I wish I was)

Instead, I will be starting and finishing the 8-10 page paper that was due this morning about a topic I really couldn't care less about. After that, I will write a french paper (also due this morning) on a topic that not only could I not care less about right now, but based on answering a question that I don't even really understand. Then I will write the lab due two days ago, and commence the last ever consecutive (for this semester at least) "Week from Hell- Part III." Damn, I really wish I'd eaten more "jello" and drank more "pineapple juice" last night (not to mention made out with like 5x more people. Oh well, it's not like any of them had penises anyway).


On the bright side- I now own an awesome umbrella.



Really doesn't balance out, does it?




PS- Fuck the Man. Oh wait, I can't, I don't have one. Dammit.

The Sad Thing Is, I'm Actually Not Exaggerating

People get into relationships in the first place because they make them happy. Indeed, the first phase of any relationship is a joyous one- cute little surprises from your spouse, long meaningful conversations, mindblowing love-making- it can make life worth living on even the toughest of days. But sadly, relationships don't always stay that way. People take others for granted, neglect them, or just downright change. Eventually, the relationship becomes too much of a hassle to deal with than it is a joy, and that's when you have to ask yourself the pivotal question- just a rough spot, or not worth continuing all together?

I can't exactly explain what happened between me and Chemistry. Maybe it was because for the first time in a long time, the intro class came really easily to me. I was doing science, and I wasn't sucking at it! Maybe it was because I soon learned that this actually had a lot to do with some of the cooler aspects of physics, like quantum mechanics and entropy. Maybe it was the thought of understanding what makes things react and fizz and bubble, and being able to synthesize any thing I wanted if given the right ingredients. Maybe I just liked the sound of it and can picture myself doing it. Hell, maybe it was just cuz I go to a women's college.

Anyway, registration has already closed so in all liklihood I'm already sucked into taking the continuation next semester. But with dad freaking out over how much I'm killing my GPA (hopefully Pass/Fail will ameliorate that, plus its only one of three classes, though ironically the class will still take up most of my time) my social life seriously suffering, and my overall well being on the hinge, I have to wonder if this is really all worth it.

So here it is, it's time for the list. Chemistry: what I like about it, What I don't like about it. I know this must make for incredibly boring blogging, but I REALLY need some advice.


Good:
*learn really cool stuff that is relevant to my daily life. Deeply satisfying.

* Possibly the most I've ever been drawn to any class. (Though comporable to AP US History)

*get to go to lab and do fun lab experiements! ( highlight of my weekdays when it's not stressing me out, which it doesn't do too often.)

*If i get good grades in it after all, I will feel accomplished and be able to synthesise stuff! Yes it will take a lot of work, but I'll know chemistry! And people don't do much on weekends here anyway.

*Can teach it to women in countries dominated by archaic patriarchies.

*Won't have to look back and think "Damn I loved that class, but I gave up because I'm just too dumb to do chemistry. Silly me, thinking I could actually be good at a science."*shudder* (Warning: might also lead to intense bitterness around the subject for the rest of my life)



Bad:
*manipulating it in its entirety is something that might not be mastered without much more concentration. (WTF is with all these isomers?) Plus, if I am desperate to synthesize something, there's always the internet.

* Inevitbly falling behind, then COMPLETELY devoting EVERY OTHER WEEKEND to studying for exams, realizing there's no way I can organize then cram all this information in my head even after spending at least 12+ hours studying, bursting into tears at least 3x, and still getting Cs.

*Missing out on social engagements and the possiblity of enjoying my young life because of said exams.

*I could teach the humanities too, or be a better lawyer and just fight for human rights as a whole.

* I can always go back to school and learn this stuff when I'm older (If I have the time and money)




Again, any advice is greatly appreciated here.