Post 121: Go Pascal. And screw 42, the Answer is Benzene

Every now and then, something happenns in life that gives me the slightest glimmer of hope in the unseen. This "nexusy" thing proves (though perhaps somewhat nonsensically and esoterically) that life is not all random entropy, and that sometimes the karmic energy we put into things can actually come back to us for the better. True, it's all a philosophical fallacy, but it's nice to think that there are powers from above and that they might be listening to you for once instead of seeing how best they can position to magnifying glass to scald your little peon ass.

I have spent the past week stressing/studying (probably more of the former) for a chemistry exam coming up. I am actually fortunate however, because had my professor not spontaneously developed a kidney imfection and been rushed to the ER, I would have already failed it. Godsend? Most definitley. Remember that uber cliche Carry-Bradshaw-like post in which I mused about protons and people? Apparently, the answer to my silly metaphorical question actually does have chemical back up. (If you're wondering, the answer is Benzene.) Bizzarre coincidence? In all liklihood yes, but I really need all the optimism I can get right now, and it does work a little too well.

What was I going to write about again? Oh yeah, pessimism. Today I realized one of the reasons why I like science so much. (aside from needing something to distract me from the lack of other things going on in my life...testosterone synthesis anyone?) By technical definition, you cannot have faith in science, because the whole point of scientific research and discovery is that things can be tested, proven, and repeated.You could argue, however, that you can have faith in science. The scientific method is a direct product of the science that it attempts to justify. Since people can really beleive in anything they want, someone could choose to not beleive in science all together, thus making the method debatable, thus making it possible to actually have faith in science since you can no longer prove anything. But semantics aside, I do have a sortof faith in Science and its solidarity. I have faith that if I do well academically and learn lots of science, it will do me nothing but good in life. Any energy put into learning science is guaranteed to be both rewarding in the future, and personally satisfying now. There is no chance of false hope. But having faith in science is such a fucking safe route, no matter how you spin it. I need faith in something else. No, I don't need born again christianity, I just need faith in life. (0r people, or at least something that doesn't involve electrons) Seriously, where did that go? And more importantly, how do you get it back?

C'mon, you know you had it once. When you were little and wanted to be the next Einstein or Fitzgerald or Kurt Cobain. When hard work and honesty paid off in your small, synthetically structured little world. When "Shit" didn't "Happen." When you didn't spend every moment in the present thinking about what it would bring in the future and trying to selfishly strategize for the best possible outcome just so you could be "happy" in the one little life you get; because now you know better than to think that everything will just fall into place.

This brings us back to the beginning of the post. (Fitting, since most paradoxes of life seem to work in cycles anyway.) Nexusy things prove that you can have faith in life, but they only prove it if you beleive in the fallacy of divine proof to begin with (as opposed to random coincidence.) In this way, having faith in life is actually just as certain (or uncertain) as having faith in science. Suck on that. Maybe in the end just having faith is enough to make something work out, at least it can be for a little while, unitil it backfires. After that you're fucked.

Faithful optimists say just give it time and look at the big picture. What they really mean is wash your hands of your own life and be willing compromise everything you really want out of it. It's the pessimists who carpe the fucking diem. Here's to you, Pessimists. Shit happens, and you get it done anyway. Amen to that.