Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Disco Synthesis Update

While unfortunate weather and federal law have prevented my partner and I from commencing the true process, I am glad to announce that the skeleton of a recipie has been developed and an excellent product is anticipated.

In other news, the upcoming Sex and the City Movie is being referred to as "The Super Bowl for Women" because apparently we can all "come together and complete our interaction with a show that has spoken to us so deeply" (not to mention the in-film advertising is recieving pretty much the same hype, yuck). Sure, why not. And here's a fun quote from a mediocre movie: "Guys, a woman's purse is her secret source of power, alright? There are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about."

Actually, I've often wondered how guys get by with just stuffing everything in their pockets. I mean granted that a purse (especially a large one) ends up holding tons of unecessary life residue like ticket stubs and lipbalm, but how do guys fit a wallet, a cell phone, glasses, sunglasses, and keys all in their pockets comfortably? And what if they're not wearing cargo pants? Is that how the sagging pants look got in in the first place? (in addition to the whole prison/ghetto trend) I'd really like to know.

(As you can see, it's been a pretty epic week.)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Oh Happy Day!

So a pending employment opportunity has sadly prevented me from proclaiming this to the world via facebook status, but just so y'all know:


*cue dance party*

That is all.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Like Animal House...But Better

Well actually I've only seen Animal House once, and for some reason I barely remember anything that happenned in that movie except for a Highschool girl that I could have sworn had a masechtomy and Belucci putting some cheese in his mouth and trying to pelt it at a bunch of jocks like it was a machine gun or something. Anyway, I like Will Ferrel better (lord knows why) So I guess we can safely say that Old School probabaly kicks Animal Houses's ass (OK, so Animal House did have the whole plot idea in the first place, but Old School perfected it)

Anyway, It's movies like this that make me feel that warm, fuzzy nostalgia for back when I was in college. Wait....Oops, I still am in college. My B. Guess life is just awesome then. Who knew? (or at least it will be from now on because I have had a major epiphany involving concert tickets, an essentially failed exam, a prize-winning paper, and overall not nearly enough alcohol)

Though if anyone would like to start a bullshit based coed fraternity, I'm obviously all in.

Now, let's use another element of the film to transition from talking about a lighthearted, happy subject to a serious one filled with impending doom. Ready, set, go! It seems to me that media portrays women in a horrible and degrading manner. No, I don't care about the fact that they're objectified as sex objects or essentially the basis of the porn industry, I'm actually talking about young men's wives. You know, those good, wholesome women that men (apparently) decide are awesome enough to forsake thair bachelorhood for and hot enough to keep them satisfied for the Rest. Of. Their. Lives. (I actually heard recently that about 3/4 of married men admit to cheating, but let's not even think about that) Here's my issue- they're too good. Or at least they are according to the media.

Are we really always the bad cops? Forsaking awesome amenities like a living room hot tub or mini bar for Pottery Barn furniture and matching take-off-your-shoes carpets? Giving our husbands curfews and feeling so threatened by something as trivial as a porn collection that it must be hidden in the garage? Insisting on approving nearly everything that goes on in their lives while using our pouty looks and coy glances to slowly bring an end to everything that is, well, fun? I would hope not. As truly touching as it is that guys will be willing to put up with this shit to please us, it sort of scares me that women and marriage are seen as the gateway choice to a boring life. Long story short, if I ever get like that, slap me. (And if my husband ever gets so drunk he decides to go streaking around town by himself, remind me that that is fucking hillarious.)

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Public Service Announcement

Life is full of many questions. Questions like "how best can I spend the next three months of free time" (YES!) and "When the hell am I going to run out of this shampoo already?" But here's one maybe the readership can help me out with: Why do men under the age of 27 even consider growing facial hair? A male friend of mine once said that men grow out their facial hair because they're lonely. Do they realize that this will only perpetuate the saddening cycle of lack of both women and the use of a razor? Of all my girlfriends (and there are many) I think only one has ever expressed any sortof positive feelings around facial hair on guys our age whatsoever. Most of them just think "Yuck!" Please, young men of the world, consider that an indicator. Maybe it does make you feel older or more manly or whatnot, but why don't you spend the time you'd usually spend growing out your hair doing something even more manly? I dunno, maybe like lifting weights, macking hoes...shaving? Just some suggestions, you get the drift. Hell, even writing emotional poetry beats a beard.

PS: No hatin' koops. I know you're already a lost cause and I'm not even going to bother. I hope you thoroughly enjoy resembling a pedophile. Seriously though, doesn't that thing get hot in the summer?

Friday, May 02, 2008

Musings From a Carrel Devoid of All Hope and Caring

I have a long night ahead of me.

No, I will not be doing chemistry volunteer work. (as I wish I was)

No, I will not be getting shizzy crunk with my dormmates afterwards. (as I wish I was)

Instead, I will be starting and finishing the 8-10 page paper that was due this morning about a topic I really couldn't care less about. After that, I will write a french paper (also due this morning) on a topic that not only could I not care less about right now, but based on answering a question that I don't even really understand. Then I will write the lab due two days ago, and commence the last ever consecutive (for this semester at least) "Week from Hell- Part III." Damn, I really wish I'd eaten more "jello" and drank more "pineapple juice" last night (not to mention made out with like 5x more people. Oh well, it's not like any of them had penises anyway).

On the bright side- I now own an awesome umbrella.

Really doesn't balance out, does it?

PS- Fuck the Man. Oh wait, I can't, I don't have one. Dammit.