Thursday, August 30, 2007

Hello, My Name is Juicy!

...And welcome to college. Well, technically It's more like pre-college, or to be more specific, preorientation. (if you were wondering, it sucks) The table I was put in by fortunate mishap ended up actually meshing well, so woohoo I have people to sit at the lunch table with. But what I miss ridiculously are my old friends. Like, the kind I don't have to retell my entire (somehwat uninteresting) life story to when we talk, or with whom I can comfortably make Asian jokes. Shout outs to you allllllll.

I of course cannot help but be reminded of my first (horribly awkward and lonely) year at boarding school. If it weren't for having gone through that and knowing that I'll find my peeps eventually (even if it does take 2 years) I would probably be scared shitless right now. That, or actually bothering to be social and checking out the people who live across the hall from me. But hey, I've got a year, right?

So what exactly is it like here? Well on my first night the older students and us played a huge game of never have I ever. So while I still don't know half of the people's names, I can tell you who's been walked in doing it up the ass by their parents, (on a volvo, to be more specific) who's taken ecstasy, and who's had a threesome. Soon it will be Convocation, when we all wear as little as possible (saran wrap skirt anyone? total nudity is also a possiblity) and get drunk and scream while being spoken to by the faculty. So now I will also be able to tell you who's got a nice bod and who doesn't, but still not be able to remember half their names. Welcome to a women's college?

Monday, August 13, 2007

Eww, It's August

About a year ago this time, I wrote a blog entry about how August is the most pointless month ever. I continue to beleive that. Seriously, what awesome thing ever happens in August??? Perhaps I'm just socially deprived in having to keep up with a group of friends that branched off into about 4 different cliques and who have been busy all week ( : ( ) but perhaps I'm not alone. And yeah, PR will be fun, but other than that it seems all I do is go on the boat with dad (mehh), work, and pack for college. I'm going on vacation in a week, which further deprives me of the opportunity to see my friends though spending quality time with the Madre should be interesting, and then I'm back here and off to college in under a week. Shit. I know this is a very pointless blog entry, but like I said, it's fucking August, so I really have nothing better to do.

Monday, August 06, 2007

"How to Spot a Manwhore" and Other Juicy Tidbits...

Well, it seems Juicy has come a a long way from her double hitter weekend. Not too far in the long run, but far enough to keep her summer interesting, and to pass on some tidbits of juicy advice to all you Mango Addicts out there. (Or just those of you with nothing better to do on the internet...)

1. How to spot a manwhore:
A. all of his facebook action is from girls
B. ok, that's all i've got for now, but it does the trick.

2. When a guy is drunk he will be slightly more prone to sexual activity. This fact will be verbally expressed many, many, many times.

3. If a guy gets so drunk he makes a complete fool of himself over your hotness, there is the slight possibility he will not call back once his friends tell him everything they will never let him live down.

4. A TRUE man will have the balls to call back anyway. Bitch.

5. When a guy doesn't call you back for 1-2 weeks but then does when there is an approaching social event involving the both of you, he is doing this in order to make things not be awkward and leave a good impression. This is all in the hopes of ass getting.

6. How to spot a manwhore who does not call you back: See section 1, then factor in a sentance involving the words "sorry" "forgot" "call" and "you." Bitch.

7. Phone tag can be very satisfying. One has the joy of being called back, but without the stress that comes from talking on the phone with people you want to impress. However, if this safety device is abused, interest will eventually fade. (unless he really, really likes you. see #10 for more info)

8. When a guy tells you about all the bad luck he's had with women and how he is often taken advantage of because he is a nice guy, this is actually a cleverly disguised ass getting tactic known as "playing the sensitive card."

9.If a guy calls you 1-3 times a day, everyday, and sometimes more often when you don't pick up (AKA more frequently than your own father) he either A.) really, really likes you; B.) has an obsessive personality; or, C.) is really really bored. Only time will tell.

10. If a guy with whom you have been slightly flirtatious hooks up with "a really hot 25 year old" within 24 hours of hearing you hooked up with someone else, he has a motive... we're not exactly sure what it is yet, but it's there...we think...

11. When you give a guy your number out of the blue, even with merely friendly intentions, he will try to use this to get him ass.

12. If a guy with whom you have not spoken in years calls you at 2am and blatanly propositions you....No, I think you all can figure that one out for yourselves. I Hope.

So that's pretty much my summer in a nutshell. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. ; )