Thursday, April 23, 2009

A Prime Example of My Own Stupidity... PENIS!

This book opens with an anecdote about a man courting a lovely woman who (upon seeing his over-endowed penis) screams, runs away stark naked, breaks her neck, and dies. He then ends up in the hospital, having hit his member several times with a hammer in frustration at his cursed existance. Here, he meets the priest who helped him write this book. The priest also suffers from "OMG" (Oversized Male Genitallia) and offers advice and ways to deal with the problems it entails, like the possibility of veins expolding during intercourse, dizzyness during erections (because of all the blood required to maintain one) , whether or not to get reductive surgery, and other entirely legitimate-sounding medical dilemmas. There were even personal anecdotes from other sufferers, and a self-diagnosis quiz.

After spending the afternoon in a deep state of confusion (surely over 8 firm inches is not all that abnormal?), it then took me 20 minutes of Wiki and google to confirm that it was, in fact, a joke.

Apparently, Borders didn't get it either...

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


Sunday, April 12, 2009

Stalking Youu...Stalking Mee...

OK, who has Google reader? I want to know. Obviously that question is slightly rhetorical (that is, if something can be just slightly rhetorical) because if you do have google reader then

1. You can't comment without bothering to type in the URL, scroll down, and click on the "comments" link, which obviously you won't do because

2. You are lazy.

And here's another thought: "Study of Women" vs "Study of Gender." My conclusion: neither is relevant in the most important grammatical context of "Make me a sandwich, bitch."

Yes, I might just hand that in.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Did You Know They Make A Hot Pink, Leopard-Print Vibrator?

From to newspaper clippings, to personal experience, to 5am games of drunk and dirty Truth-Or-Dare Jenga, here are five facts about sex that might just change your life. (Well, six if you count the title, but that probably only applies to me.) Maybe these don't apply to you or even to anyone you know; but hey, if I've learned one thing, everyone's different.

Fact: Women are more easily aroused than men.

Details: While physical arousal is not always the same as emotional arousal, this ability probably evolved over time as a defense mechanism against painful sexual experiences. (In other words, a man can only have sex if he's aroused, but a woman can be raped if she's in the mood or not, and the latter is incredibly painful.) As for emotional/more voluntary arousal, I think I can still safley flush the "guys are hornier than girls" myth down the toilet.

Fact: Straight girls like... girls?!

Details: Apparently, heterosexual women are far more easily visually stimulated by other women than men. What also matters is the holistic sensuality of the image displayed, not necessarily the gender. Here's the full article:

Fact: Guys don't get off everytime either.

Details: While difficulty in achieving orgasm is far more common in women, it's not unusual for guys to not get off during intercourse every now and then aswell. Perhaps tits and ass aren't all that's needed after all?

Fact: Some girls can orgasm hands-free.

Details: Yet another fabulous reason to work on those keggle exercises....or maybe take up competitive swimming?

Fact: Porn just doesn't do it for some guys.

Details: Here's the story as I understood it: An acquaintance of mine started getting the occassional wet dream once he hit puberty, but when he still hadn't finished himself off and sent the fishies flying by the time he reached 16 he was convinced something was up. He went to see a doctor to get checked out. The professional diagnosis? "You just haven't met the right girl yet."

(Don't worry, he eventually did.)