The End Of An Era

For those of you who read my blog frequently, you might be wondering what became of the Miracle that is The Most Holy Hannukah Shampoo. And the truth is, in the true fashion of holy relics past, we may never know.


For those of you not so informed, here is the story: In April of 2007, JV was sent on an excursion to the grocery store to procure for me some daily necessities that I myself could not get ahold of. Not much attention was paid to these products at first (snack foods, beverages, hair and body care) but as time continued I observed a strange phennomenon. While the food was eaten up, the conditioner and body wash was used up, and the shower puff slowly disintegrated, the shampoo remained. An epic 3/4 of a year later, the shampoo was still fully intact. As of that moment, we realized that this was no ordinary shampoo- but a holy relic that, despite already lasting longer than any hair care product I have ever used so much of on such a regular basis, still had magical powers of longevity. It was then when we first wondered just how long this shampoo would last, and for how long we would witness this great miracle: The Miracle of the Hannukah Shampoo.



And as I said, following in the footsteps of great holy relics before it, we may never really know. For any of those hoping, in years to come, to form a gang of theologians, archaologists, explorers, and anthropolgists in order to quest for the lost Grail of the millenium (or for those simply curious), here is what scripture tells us:




"The Shampoo lasted, for certain, for a most incredible and holy six months after it was first recognized in all its true glory. That's one year and four months of miraculous existance. After that the shampoo was left almost unused for five weeks due to a necessary migration, but still performed its miraculous powers in the rare instances when it was ecalled upon. Once the migratory period had ended, it is very possible that the Shampoo could have continued in faithful miraculous service, as it did for at least a week after the Great Returning. But we will never know. We will never know because the Shampoo was betrayed. And yes ladies and gentleman, I, Juicy, am the cursed betrayor. While packing for another Great Migration, I questioned my faith. I packed not only the Most Holy Hannukah Shampoo, but another bottle, fearing the magic might cease soon. While unpacking my mother, as much the Eve of our time as I the Judas, asked of me "Why on earth did you pack two containers of shampoo, one of which looks to be nearly empty?" and my most unholy, lazy self was not willing to affirm my faith. I felt ridiculous attempting to preach the Word, as I should have done. Instead I replied in indifference and in lies ("I dunno") and the Most Holy Shampoo has not been seen since..."





Perhaps it lives on? Perhaps somewhere in the holy nooks and crannies of my room it continues in secret hiding, waiting for the great Ressurection, for the day when it will once again grace our lives with its holy existance? After all, it was never seen in my garbage can. But maybe it does not? Maybe it was disposed of far before I realized just what a great, cosmological crime I had comitted? And if it was never disposed of in such a shameful, disrespectful manner, how long would it have lasted? As you can see, from here on my friends, it is truly, more than ever, a question of Faith.


But for now, let us take a moment to celebrate this Most Holy Relic and its miraculous run, which lasted, even at its least, almost a year and a half. And of course, let us pray that some day I can be forgiven for my most abominable sin. And as those who cursed against the powers above in the Old Testament were marked with a mark of sin, I too have been marked. Indeed, because of this mark, I shall never again know the joys of the Miraculous Hannukah Shampoo, as I myself must now start on new type of cleansing... *



*... cleansing for color treated hair :D