Pukeage

2 sets of mechanical pencils
+
1 set of cheap mini gel pens
+
2 packages of nice, Uniball pens
+
1 package of extra .7 lead


Guess the total.....






$39.58


A curse on thy soul, Staples, A curse on thy Soul!!!

It all started when I learned I could fly. I closed my eyes to soar upward, upward, beyond the sky, beyond the universe, up even to different dimensions where the spirit realms are. When I opened my eyes I looked down, only to be dissapointed and then scared. I wasn't as high as I wanted to be, but I was sitting at the very edge of our world and it was an awfully long way down. Our world was a great black sphere, black as if it had been coated in rubber. There was a wide, round tunnel through the middle that I had come up through, and on my journey from bottom to top, I had passed rows and rows of balconies that demarkated each level of the world as I approached the brightness on top. I was flying, litterally flapping my wings in place, on the top of the edge the tunnel: a huge, jagged hole in the darkness on the very top of the world that was somehow darker than the rest of the pitch black earth.

I looked around to see that it was a sunny, clear day, and the earth was floating in a shallow sea. Surrounding it, floating like buoys, were the signs of the zodiac. Each where they should be, also cast in dark rubber. There was one new sign that I had never seen before that looked like a domino, but I assumed that was the new sign that has only recently joined the elliptic. I went down to bathe in the sea, rubbing by only one or two large, elegant fish that quickly swam away (I've always been afraid of meeting fish in that manner). I flew out quickly though, for the water was much too warm. I then headed towards the shore.

On the shore, I was greeted by The Great Lion Aslan. Some other creatures and myself headed towards a graveyard, in search of some knowledge that I cannot remeber. I did however, manage to speak to a dead king through his tomb, though now all I remember is something about the number three. I was the only one who could do this. On the way back, Aslan (Who may or may not have also had wings) told me that working in the hall of mirrors was "the closest he'd ever come to prostitution" because ghosts only regularly haunt places to keep humans amused, and could be doing far more important things with their ghostly powers.

And then all of a sudden I was tumbling through the universe. No wings, instead I looked around to see I was surrounded by small, dark pointy objects. Not stars, they were more like jacks. At first I was afraid, until I realized that I was being pulled away from them...towards a black hole. A jet stream was shooting out of the other end of the black hole, so I put my hand there to see what kind of matter could possibly be shooting out the other end of a black hole, but it was too hot for my hand to even come close. I looked up through the slightly flourescent, transparent hole just in time to glimpse the event horizon, and wonder how I should escape.

I was in a living room, and so was the black hole. A small girl with hair similar to mine was swimming around it (this living room was more like a large indoor pool with rustic walls). Then we (though I'm not quite sure who else) knew what we had to do. We started swimming around in circles counter to the direction of the black hole, until the water consumed it, and both came spiralling up to the walls before they were sucked outside through a small hole in the wall. I looked out the window to see the water that had once filled the room pour out into a rocky basin right by the edge of the sea. It looked very natural, as if the process was meant to happen and the earth was simply waiting for it. Once we had finished I went up to the girl's conservative Indian parents and asked, "Wait, why did we do that?" The mother gave me a knowing look and responded "Because she would have fallen in love with it. And as parents, isn't it easier to deal with a girl who's in love with a hole in the wall, than a girl who's in love with a Black Hole?"



I then walked out of their house with my friend at my side, into the shopping mall it was attached to. Excited to buy a journal and write about my awesome dream, I woke up.

And To Think I Almost Had to Get Up at 7:30 for Orgo II and Intro Physics...

Some things in life are just so awesome, and manage to come together so perfectly in this entropically-driven world in which we all struggle to survive, that one just has to take the time to appreciate them. Ladies and gentlemen, my schedule for next semester:

Monday

10am- Awaken, Food (Yes, in an epic Phelpsian feat, Juicy will regularly eat breakfast that consists of more than coffee for the first time since...ever)

11am- 12:10 pm- "What Follows What? Valid and Invalid Reasoning" (A Logic course. Fulfill the Writing Intensive requirement and prep for the LSAT in just one class! And yes, this is my earliest class. Sexiness! I cannot possibly fuck this up.)

Afternoon- Lunch in the dorm, get ahead in work for the week/run any errands, go to the Gym (Yes! It will happen!) and maybe debate meeting.

Evening- dinner, a little more work, bed by 12 but no later than 2


Tuesdays and Thursdays

10 am- Awaken, food (Yeah, that's 10 hours of sleep if I so choose bitches)

10:40- Ride bus to institution affectionatley nicknamed "The Zoo".

11:15-12:30- "The Nature of Food" (A class combining three of my greatest loves: Chemistry, Food, and Boys. And it's only 3 credits! Organic What?)

12:30- 1:30- Lunch at said institution. Exactly how this works is still being planned, but luckily I will probably still be in the company of friends despite the socially awkward relocation.

1:30/1:35- Ride bus to insitution affectionatley nicknamed "The Tundra" (I could also lunch there if I so choose, but for now let's keep it simple)

2- 3:15- "Cosmology" (Coolest. Shit. Ever. Taught at my level, so no baby math but no multivariable calculus either, and hopefully with an equally cool and quirky professor!)

3:30- return to home insitution, affectionatley nicknamed lots of things. For now, let's use "Vagina World." Work till dinner in the dorm, then more work till bed at 12 but no later than 2.


Wednesdays and Fridays

10 am- Awaken, food

11am- 12:10- "What Follows What? Valid and Invalid Reasoning" (see Monday)

12:10-1:00- lunch in the dorm

1:10- 2:30- "History of Women in the US, 1865-Present" (Women's history at a Women's college; you really can't beat that. Plus, it counts towards my major!)

Rest of the day on Weds- work, dinner, gym (Yes! It will happen!)

Rest of the day on Fri- maybe some work, dinner, weekend.





C'mon, You know you're jelli..

Hey! Why Don't We Get Ice Cream? It's Cuz I'm Sick... Go Look At The Birds!

Hmm, so much to blog about so little will...Now Here at MFA, we appreciate our readers. Not only do we prepare awesome (well, attemptedly awesome) Annual Mango Dinners (pictures soon) but we also offer lots of little tid bits of Juicy life advice, so here goes:

1. The age of a person is indirectly proportional to the rate at which they consume alcoholic beverages. It's never failed me- dinner parties, cocktail hour, chillaxing; the younger you are, the faster you drink.

2. Here is the reason all children act like crazy, disobedient, obnoxious miscreants: cartoons. Because children ultimatly aim to please and be humorous, they imitate the crazy antics they see and find funny in cartoons. This is why they think it's funny when they kick and punch each other/you, don't listen, don't shut up, etc. etc.

3. Having to put immense effort into controlling yourself from acting on violent thoughts inspired by said children when around them for more than 5 consecutive hours is perfectly normal.

4. Knowing someone likes you and getting borderline cocky about it is fun. Knowing someone doesn't like you and wallowing in your own self-pity about it is normal. The hazy, unsure, indifferent middleground, however, totally sucks.

5. As most of you already know, I have a thing for school supplies with funky designs and bright colors. When back to school shopping, selection is always key. This year however, I finally met my match. Screw Office Max and Staples, Wal-Mart is bitchin. They must have had 3 aisles of three ring binders alone. Like a folder's design but wish it was a notebook? They've got it. Like those post-its but wish they came in a smaller size? got it. Slightly different color? Sure. Wings and an incorporated coffee maker? I didn't see one, but had I asked an employee for help I bet they could have found that too. And just when I thought there really wasn't anything left to sell:

WTF? (That's a type of wine, btw.)*

*Though maybe it's a part of a trend, since just today I saw not plain "Mint" or even "Spearmint" Altoids. Oh no, they were "Creme de Menthe"

Bug Juice and Fermentation: An Excellent Combination

In the past four websites I've visited (facebook and random blogs) three of them have talked about (or dedicated a note to) Camping. Surely this is a blogworthy event, I figured, so here we are. This all becomes truly Nexusy when I remind you all that a camping trip is being planned for this very weekend to honor this blog. (Well, partially. The other part is for some much needed Shizzy Crunkness. Sorry, Youngins, this is an 18+ event. We can hang out another time)

According to Wikipedia, Camping became popular in the early 20th century. This makes sense, of course, because that's also the time of prohibition in the US. (Coincidence? I think not) Even before then, camping was how those travelling Westward to freedom and new hopes in their humble covered wagons survived for months at a time. And since according to that logic Camping -> California and Colorado (both states on the foreground of decriminalization), clearly only good things can come of this.

So here's to Nature. Thanks, Mom, for giving people of all ages and backgrounds the oppurtunity to wait in lines or to go concerts for days on end, and attend parties so large that one house just can't sleep everyone. But most of all, Mom, thanks for giving people a legitimate excuse to get their real parents (and the rest of the world) out of their hair for awhile, and enjoy all the glories you have to offer (especially the chemical ones).

Oh, and best Wiki Link ever:

"Camping" see also: "Wilderness Diarreah"

Oh Colbert...

Managing to insult both me and my mother in one excellent sketch :

Saturday Night Blogging

For the first time in a long time, I have found myself in the not-nearly-as-sad-as-it-sounds-I-swear position of not only having nothing to do on a Saturday night, but even having no one available to do nothing with. While back in the day this situation could easily be ameliorated by AIM and Sex and the City DVDs (and they are helping) let's face it, this sucks. Even worse, some bizarre electronic device downstairs won't shut the fuck up. Oh, and remind me to tell my mother that the bottle of warming lube on her night table is a year past the expiration date. Don't worry, reading that could not be half as disturbing as actually being there, I assure you. (I'd tell her now, but she's out having dinner and sex. Yes, even my mother has something going on and I don't)

Ok, time to drop the familiar self-pitying tone and talk about something else. I know: my guilty pleasure of buying colorful, funky school supplies (binders, notebooks, planners, you get the drift). Come to think of it, that's pretty much all I have to say on the topic. So in the spirit of Sex and the City and everything I'm not doing tonight, here's the poll of the week (sorry I'm not as advanced as WYWY, you'll have to use the comments feature. Go anonymous if you want)

Butt Sex- yay or nay?